Tuesday, November 29, 2011

No Candy!

For the month of November, Aaron and I have been on a no candy diet.  The idea had been rattling around in my head for a month or so.  It took shape on Halloween.  We had purchased a giant bag of really good candy to give out.  We only got one child.  I gave him a huge handful of the goodies, but that left us with pounds of candy. 

I don't know about you, but even really good food can seem gross if there's a lot of in one place.  My best example:  I like mayo on my sandwiches, but when I see a large vat of it... Gross!  I got that feeling when I looked at the bag of candy. 

So for the whole month, I haven't had a Reece's Pieces, a fruit snack, or a candy bar. 

There have been hard parts.  Walking down the candy aisle at work was a major temptation.  I think my nose had become sensitive to the smell.  I could smell the chocolate and I craved it.

Another time, Aaron accidentally put fruit snacks in my lunch.  When I pulled them out, I groaned.  I wanted them so bad. 

So yesterday, I got the idea to make brownies.  That really hit the spot. 

The day after tomorrow I can eat the peanut butter M&Ms I have sitting behind me.  I can't wait!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Different Anniversary and Thankfulness

Three years ago today I came out to my parents.  At that point it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.  It was at an Education Week the year before that I was inspired to come out to my parents.  The following January, I realized how hard it was for Aaron to date a closeted man.  I vowed and made a new year's resolution that he wouldn't have another Christmas with me closeted. 

I've shared it here before, but I have a theory.  The Holy Ghost is a spirit of truth.  When someone bears their testimony of truth, if you're receptive, you'll feel it.  Coming out is one of the bigger truths of your personality and existence.  You may have been hiding it for years.  I'm sure you were like me and it built walls between you and your loved ones and friends.  That distance is painful and makes you feel lonely.  When you are prompted to come out --and I think it is a prompting-- listen!  My coming out to my parents was a spiritual experience for me.  I shared the truth.  The Holy Ghost responded.  I am closer to my family than I have been in a very long time.

Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask him for the bravery to come out.  Ask him for a prompting to know when the time is right.  Then search for that opportunity.  Don't procrastinate it.  You'll want to say, "Oh, after the holidays.  Or once I've graduated."  Or whatever.  God will prompt you, but it probably won't be when you expect or want.  But have the bravery to act.

I wrote shortly about my experience here.  I do not think that God wants you to remain closeted or in pain.

Moving on...

Aaron and my family have integrated wonderfully.  He gets along so well with everyone.  When we were first getting used to the idea, I told him that eventually I wanted it so that he could go to my family without me and feel perfectly accepted.  I think we're nearly there.

So for this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for coming out, a loving family, a loving partner, a loving Heavenly Father, and the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

School... Again.

Earlier this year I was at Lava Hot Springs with a bunch of friends.  Aaron, myself and three others were headed to the hot springs.  Two of my friends in the back seats were talking about house payments and retirement.  I was listening and it hit me how different their stories are from me. 

Aaron and I have dreams.  One of those is owning a home with a backyard and washing/drying machine.  We'd like to own a cat and a dog.  It's the American dream right?

There is no way that we can achieve those dreams on the path I'm currently on.  I work in a dead-end job.  While I was in the car, it hit me that I have the job of an eighteen year old.  I'm thirty-three now!  It was then I had an epiphany:  I needed to return to college and get my degree.  As soon as I had that conclusion, it felt right.

But the thought occurred to me, a degree doesn't get you that much.  How many of you, your friends, or family have degrees but do nothing with them?  I want a much better job because I get a degree.  It wasn't long after that thought that my mind latched onto becoming a teacher.  It's true that teachers in general (and Utahn teachers in specific) don't make very much.  But I assure you, they make much more than I currently do.

So I began the steps towards getting back to school.  I'm a procrastinator and move very slow when doing new things.  When I have frustrating days at (retail) work, it spurs me to come home and complete the next step.  So yesterday I got my application for student aid completed.  I have my transcripts.  Soon I will be enrolled in SLCC.  I hope to get some classes fixed and anything else I need done before transferring to the U. 

I think to myself, you know if you started this when you first moved to Salt Lake, you'd be a teacher by now and well on your way to achieving your dreams.  But no matter, I am on the path right now.

I used to think that the mistakes I made at BYU couldn't be rectified.  I fell into yet another rut.  It feels *very* good to be moving forward again.