Thursday, December 31, 2009


Aaron and I have been together for five years in August 2010.  Time really does pass quickly.  But Aaron and I have fit in so much.  We have traditions now.  Mid-2010 we'll have lived together for five years.  We've been in our same apartment close to Liberty Park the whole time.  We love it here too.

In that four years, we've been to Church together maybe 3-4 times.  Truthfully, I think we miss it.  I missed singing the Christmas hymns this season.  I don't miss Priesthood lessons however.  (Even in a student ward, they were boring.)  I also don't miss fasting as I get really cranky when I'm hungry.  We both were upset during the Prop 8 fiasco.  It felt like a slap in the face.  But we didn't get bitter.  We still love the Church.

So yesterday evening the doorbell rang.  I answered it and there was an attractive, about my age guy standing there, smiling.  He asked, "Scott?"  I figured it was either a friend of our neighbors (who are also gay) or maybe some wayward Escape member.  As it turned out, it was our newly assigned hometeacher!

I was surprised.  As I said, we've been here for over three years and never had a hometeacher come visit.  I know my records are here because I get a Christmas card from the bishopric every year.  Either my parents had them sent here, my old student ward, or the fact I have a Liahona subscription did it.  Either way, there he was.  He said that he was kind of new to the ward and he hadn't seen me there.  I told him part of the truth.  That being that I work many Sundays and haven't been there.  He invited me to come.  It was a little awkward to say the least.  I wanted to invite him in, but I had the vibe that he didn't have the time.  His wife had also made a treat which he gave to me.  He also looked up my records and they didn't have my phone number, so I gave it to him.  His partner wasn't available, but they wanted to give me a call and set up an appointment next month.  Which I welcome.  We said our goodbyes.

Now, being the analytical person I am, I started thinking about it.  I'm going to guess that he's a member of the Elder's Quorum Presidency.  First of all, they normally give less-actives (especially the ones that have never been seen) to a member of the presidency.  Second, he had that ambitious feeling.  The kind where when a person moves into your ward and they have it, you give them an ambitious calling because you know they'll magnify it. 

He seemed very nice and very genuine as well.

But I digress.  I'd like your advice.  Let me tell you what I'm not going to do.  I'm not going to be passive-aggressive and not answer his calls or not answer the door when he comes.  I had enough of those on my mission to know how frustrating they are.  My first instinct is once we've built a relationship of trust, that I will come out to him and be upfront about who I am.  I am gay.  I am inactive.  I do love the Church.  I do have a testimony.  I do like having hometeachers (if that is the case).  But I am unsure of my place in our religion.

I think the honesty will pay off.   The Holy Ghost loves honesty and will reward us for it, I think.  I guess if they're uncomfortable or disapprove then they just won't come.  But I intend on being a gracious host either way.  I they might actually like coming to our home.  Aaron and I are used to having people over.  We're funny, fun, and have a good time.  I'd even invite the hometeachers for game nights if they'd come. 

What do you think?  What have your experiences been?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Post-Christmas Wrap Up

A blessing.  That is exactly the word I'd use to describe it.  I expected Christmas this year to run smoothly, but in a moderate and small way.  After all, you take small steps to make progress.  I was surprised however. 

Aaron had to work on Christmas Day.  So we planned around it.  He wouldn't be able to visit my brother's family in Logan that day, so we planned around it.  We visited Paul & co. on Christmas eve.  We went out to dinner with them and then went to their home to open gifts and play games.  Aaron, Paul, Jade and the boys get along really well.  I can see Aaron being himself with them and it makes me happy.

We were there till 11:30ish.  When we arrived home, I needed to wrap all of my presents.  With work, it was the only time I had to do it.  I think we were up till 2:30 AM wrapping.  I'd been exhausted all week from work.  Retail is hell during Christmas.  We both collapsed in bed after that. 

We needed to arrive at my parents' home at 8 AM, so we didn't get much sleep that night.  But we got up in time to exchange gifts with each other.  Even thinking back on it now, it makes me beam.  Aaron and I have been together for four years now, going on five.  This was our first Christmas together.  Having Christmas morning together is what couples do.  I really felt closer to him for it. 

So we arrived a little past eight and we exchanged gifts with my parents.  A few days earlier, my mom had asked what she should get Aaron for Christmas.  It really warmed my heart when she said that.  Aaron and I put both our names on all of the gifts we gave.  But later, after Aaron had left, I let my mom know which ones he had picked out.  She was touched too. 

My sister and her family normally come around 9 and we have a big breakfast together.  Then we exchange gifts with them.  Aaron and I planned on him leaving before she got there.  That way there wouldn't be any uncomfortableness.  (I'm not out to my sister and her family yet.)  I told my mom this and she said, that no, they planned on Aaron spending as much time as possible until he had to leave for work. 

I really did receive a lot of blessings this Christmas.  We were both dead tired, it's true.  But we got to spend the holiday together and with my family.  That to me is a miracle.  It wasn't uncomfortable or forced.  Parents are wonderful things really.  When they see the love you have for someone, some of their love transfers to him.  I could see that very clearly this holiday. 

I couldn't ask for more.  (Well, maybe a little more sleep.)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Family Christmas

So I was talking to my mom the other day about Christmas.  She wanted to know our plans and if Aaron and I planned on visiting Christmas day.  That probably happens a million times every December to couples all over the world.  But it's the first time it has happened to me.  I love my family.  I came out to my brother and then my parents a year ago mid-November.  So now, thirteen months later, Aaron is becoming part of the family.  He and a couple of my friends joined us for my family's Thanksgiving dinner in Logan.  Now Aaron and I may be visiting my parents on Christmas day just like my other siblings.

I say "may" because due to some scheduling conflicts, Aaron and I may be hosting our family's Christmas dinner!  If so, then my family would be coming to our home to visit!  To me, this is a miracle.  A true miracle.  After years of keeping them at a distance and being closeted, I have opened up to my family and they have reciprocated ten-fold.  I am proud to be a Guymon. 

I'm proud of Aaron too.  I know that he's wary of this.  He is very concerned that he will make my family uncomfortable.  More than anything, he doesn't want that.  I remind him that whenever they give the invitation, we need to have the courage to take it.  Aaron has been there for me.  Nearly four years of having to deal with me skirting around my family, "straightening up" (pun intended) the house when my parents visited and basically having a limit on how we could progress as a family has ended.

I am blessed. 

I am so glad I listened to the Holy Ghost when I was prompted to prepare to come out to my family.  I've said it before, but I'll repeat it.  The Holy Ghost is a spirit of truth and honesty.  He is present when we speak and share the truth.  When you get the feeling you should come out to someone, that is the Holy Ghost prompting you to do so.  He wants you to eliminate the dishonesty in your life.  I have a testimony that coming out the closet to your family will bless you.  I don't believe that just because it's been good to me.  Heavenly Father doesn't want you to go through life alone.  Our families, our spouses and our friends are supposed to be our support.  Give them that opportunity.  God will bless you.

This is shaping up to be my best Christmas. 

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Status Quo

Many people have blogged on the subject of the Church supporting gay protection statues, so I won't go on length about it. I do have a few words to add.  I've heard many voices from the gay side.  Most are afraid of trusting the Church.  They think this is to reverse the public's opinion of the Church, or to prepare us for a future action.  I think that's mostly because once you've lost trust, it's very hard to gain again.  Trust is harder to earn than love for sure.  But it isn't their reaction that I want to talk about.

I don't know the Church's motivation in supporting those statues.  I hope it's for altruistic reasons and I'll continue believing that until proven otherwise.  But it's had one good effect besides actually protecting GLBT people.  It has mixed up the status quo!  Legislators and other conservative influences often try to out-church the Church.  The Eagle Forum and the Sutherland Institute are both aghast at the Church's "new" stance.  Those two organizations have been leeching their power from the Church.  They claimed their stance was the LDS stance and gained many followers that way.  Now their paths have diverged and it's made those organizations angry. 

This has also been good for the membership of the Church.  Many of them used the Church as an excuse for why gay men and women should have no rights.  Their religion allowed them a air-tight reason to hate or discriminate against gays.  This latest action will hopefully allow those people to rethink their bias.  Senator Buttars changed and that by itself is a miracle. 

So, no matter the reason for this change, I say we look at it as a step in the right direction.  It can help Utahns and members of the Church to love and accept their gay brothers and sisters.