Monday, December 29, 2008

I'm a little frustrated right now. I found yesterday that not only is Circuit open New Year's Day, I will be working that morning. Yes, I work New Years eve and day. Add that on top of working the day before and after Christmas and that I only have 17 hours next week and you can see why I'm frustrated. Circuit has stolen my holidays. Before *anyone* says, 'that's the nature of retail', I will cut you off. It may be the nature of retail at Circuit, but not everywhere.

I always compare my job to Sharper Image, but it really was the best I've experienced. There, if you worked before a holiday, you wouldn't be scheduled the day after. We weren't open New Year's Day at all. I'm sure that if we were, we'd get holiday pay. Now I will bet you two to one that we will *not* get holiday pay at Circuit.

If I am scheduled less than 30 hours the next week, I will begin looking for another job. I have yet to have 40 hours. I need a full time job. I made goals to make my 30s the best. That includes getting a car, finishing my degree and having a good job. Circuit City seems to be hindering those goals, not advancing them.

There is a supervisor position open at the Fort Union store. I had a co-worker say that I should apply for the position. However it said in the e-mail that they would judge on firedog and circuit city advantage add-ons. I'm not that good at adding those on, though I have improved a lot. If I were good at the add-ons for computers, I'd be set.

I still have my eyes on achieving supervisor. I entered the job with that position in my sights. *sigh* I hate change, I hate changing jobs. I want to advance in this job.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I really hope that your day was full of magic and peace. Christmas is a wonderful time of year. I really do look forward to it. Sadly, it is simultaneously too long and done too quickly. Working in retail really does put a damper on my holidays. I only got Christmas day off. I worked Christmas eve and I work tomorrow too. December has been busy and difficult at Circuit City. Imagine six people with questions that need answering, product that needs unlocking, and things that need their prices checked. Don't get me wrong, I like working in retail. I like selling things and helping customers pick the best product for them. But that customer urgency is what makes me glad the season has passed.

But it is moments like this that makes me wish Christmas could continue. I'm sitting here watching Kung Fu Panda with my mom and two nephews. It's quiet and peaceful. Three days off would give me a chance to breathe, to appreciate my time with my family and friends. I could sit by the Christmas tree, listen to some carols, and snuggle up to my babe, Aaron.

That brings me to the last part. I miss Aaron. I really wanted to spend Christmas morning with him. It couldn't be this year though. He had to work at six this morning. So I went home with my parents last night. We're struggling to even find time to have our own Christmas. It's hard because I did the hardest thing I've done in my life (come out to my parents) so that I could have Christmas with Aaron. *sigh* I guess it will be next year.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


Jon Stewart just comes across as very logical and well thought out. To me gay marriage is logical. Two people love each other and as consenting adults should be able to marry. The argument that if we change the definition of marriage then we'll have to allow polygamy or any other arrangement doesn't hold water. I'm sure when interracial marriages were first legalized, people used the same argument. Our law works on a case by case basis, legalizing one thing doesn't mean all other things are legal too.

Concerning polygamy, I certainly don't want it legalized. I also don't think that it's even doctrine of the Church that it will come back either. Polygamy was already restored once, nothing says it will be restored again. Back in the 1800s when polygamy was made illegal the Church was persecuted and members practicing it were hunted down. Those members evaded capture and continued to break the law. Earlier the Church had left the United States in order to pursue their own freedom of religion. Everything points to the Church being an ally for gay men and women and our fight for equality. Historically we Mormons have practiced "alternative lifestyles". And as Jon Stewart said, religion is certainly more of a choice than being gay. Religion and particularly Mormonism should be sympathetic to our cause.

Here's why I think logic evades the situation. First, LDS members today don't relate to the members who practiced polygamy (oftentimes their own progenitors). On my mission the polygamy issue would come up regularly. We were taught to say that that was over 100 years ago and that we don't do that anymore. Basically saying, "It was different back then, but we've changed." It was treated like it was a little dirty secret that we needed to downplay. Stories of how difficult it was for members to have their religion say one thing and their country say another haven't been passed down. We don't read them in Sunday School, we don't hear those stories in Conference. It's been erased. Members today don't relate because they don't even know those issues.

Second, as members of the Church, sex and sexuality is sacred. It is also secret. We don't feel comfortable talking about it even while using the upmost respect. Many people suffer in silence because they can't breach the taboo subject. Sexual development and sexuality have *major* roles in human development. Its influence can be felt in every facet of our lives. Most LDS people define gay men and women by what they see as the only difference: with whom they like to have sex. (We're much more complex than that!) But sex and sexuality are taboo subjects. So gay people are taboo subjects. Members feel that if they openly accept gay people then they are in support of the sin. You cannot hate a sin and love a sinner in this case because in the Church's eyes the sin defines the sinner. Loving the sinner implies that you love the sin. I've never heard in real terms how one can hate a sin without hating the sinner.

Last, religions should be happy that a population of "promiscuos" and "immoral" citizens want to give up their old ways and settle down into life-long and stable relationships or marriages. It should be like welcoming the prodigal son back into the fold. This isn't so because in the eyes of most religious people, a gay relationship is not permisible or equal. It would allow gay parents to teach children that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. Afterall, the child's two dads or two moms raised him well, kept him fed, and taught him right from wrong. Many of us want to adopt and there are so many children out there without parents. But most religious people will say it is better for a child to grow up on the street than to be raised by gay parents. Sick.

In short (too late!), history isn't enough to make LDS members and gay people become allies. It's only going to start by gay people making and continuing to be friends with their LDS neighbors. Two of my nephews know I'm gay now. I'm sure they are much more okay with it than their parents or my parents (just like racism). Each generation will be more sympathetic because each generation will have more experience with their gay brothers and sisters. Most of us are normal, good and moral people. I'm proud to be both LDS and gay.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Happy Human Rights Day

"The date was chosen to honor the United Nations General Assembly's adoption and proclamation, on 10 December 1948, of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the first global enunciation of human rights. The commemoration was established in 1950, when the General Assembly invited all states and interested organizations to celebrate the day as they saw fit.", Human Rights Day

This year is also the 60th anniversary of the day's anniversary. The gay community chose this day for the Day Without a Gay. Basically gay men and women are supposed to call in sick today and use the day to do community service. It will help America see how much of an impact we have on everyday life. If every single gay person didn't show up for work today, it would have a *huge* impact. I'm sure every field of work would be affected and some would shut down all together.

I had considered asking for the day off, but I will be going in to work today. I haven't been at Circuit City long enough to just call in sick. If I were still at Sharper Image, I bet my boss would have given himself, Aaron and I the day off (as we are all gay). So today, I figured my contribution would be blogging about the day.

I'm not one to be a political activist. I'd just like to say that we gay people are full citizens of the United States and deserve all rights, privileges, and responsibilities of being a full citizen. This includes the right to marry, the right to serve in the military and the right to pursue our own happiness.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


Today's my day off. I went over to the $5 haircut place on 7th where I normally get my haircut. I had a nice barber (are women barbers too?) She started the pleasant small talk that barbers normally do. That's cool with me. Silence or small talk are equally fine for me.

She talked about her three-year-old son and getting ready for Christmas. I mentioned my nephews and going to the Festival of Trees today. As I was doing this, I caught myself "straightening" my small talk. It's something I do naturally. When I make the switch I use gender neutral pronouns, change the situations a little bit and tweak the truth. I do it without even thinking. Today I just happened to mentally catch it.

It made me think. I am out to my family and friends now. There is not really anyone else that needs to hear it from me. (My sister is excluded.) So why do I de-gay my speech? Do I really care what the barber thinks? Is it just easier to not show that part of me to strangers? My boyfriend Aaron doesn't "straighten" his speech at all. He works at a hotel and will mention picking up his boyfriend or a cute guy or whatever. He's not embarrassed. He just treats it like it is the most normal thing. I envy him for that.

On one hand, I don't need to share my sexual orientation with every person I meet. I am a gay man and am proud of who I am, but it just isn't relevant to every conversation or relationship. Sometimes (rarely in my experience), I need to hide that aspect to protect myself or others from hate speech. That aside, there doesn't seem to be any logical reason to hide my being gay from people.

On the other hand, by sharing my sexuality as Aaron does--in the most normal matter--it will expose people to the fact that there are gay people every where. We are normal. Utahns particularly need exposure to that.

So what do you think? For those of my readers who are gay, how do you handle those situations? For those who aren't gay, being Mormon is probably the closest analogy. Do you ever "de-Mormonize" your speech with strangers you interact with? Do either of the groups say "I'm going to hang out with my friends" rather than saying "ward activity" or "Gay night"?