In the Paper Again

I just found the Salt Lake Tribune article with my quote in it. You can find the whole article here.

Guymon said he would like to see reform, he's just not sure how much.

"I'm unemployed and there's no way I can afford health insurance," he said. "But I don't know if I want government to take it over. There has to be a happy medium where everyone has access to affordable care."

A Lesson Learned From Being LDS

Today I read an article about another Presidential controversy. I use the term very lightly too. I don't think this should have even been reported. In a nutshell, President Obama was chatting back and forth with a CNBC interviewer. Kanye West's escapades were brought up and the President said that Kanye is a "jackass". ABC employees overheard the conversation and twittered it, sending it out to the world.

Fine. I think most people would agree with President Obama's opinion.

What bothers me is that people take the opinion seriously. People (maybe just the Media) are aghast that the President would say something like that. Come on!

Being LDS, we learn early on (though it is not always understood) that the Prophet and President of the Church is able to speak as a man, or as a Prophet. Not everything that comes from his mouth is doctrine. If he roots for the Utah Jazz it doesn't mean that it's a sin to hope they lose. If the Prophet enjoys florentine lasagna we shouldn't throw away all of our italian sausage lasagna.

Equally so, the President of the United States may like soccer, hate chocolate ice cream, and think Kanye West is a "jackass". It doesn't matter. He isn't signing a presidential decree. Do people (or the Media) believe he isn't able to share personal opinions? Or maybe it's just grasping at anything "news worthy".

Zion Nat'l Park

Aaron, Dave and I got back from Zion National Park yesterday afternoon. We had a great time! We stayed at my traditional campsite. My friends and I nicknamed it Hippieville years ago. This was Aaron's first visit to Zion and he thoroughly enjoyed it! We hiked Angel's Landing, the River Walk (2x), and all three of the Emerald Pools. We saw a lot of wildlife. I think they came out because it rained some. The rain was very refreshing. I learned a lot more about the park and its features than on previous visits.

I'm sharing some of the pics here. You can see the rest on my facebook page.

Zion Nat'l Park

Education

Right now I'm on the campus of BYU. I'm here for the annual BYU Campus Education Week, put on by CES. Most of you have never heard of the program. Of the few that have, probably none of you have attended. Basically it is 1,000s of classes that cover a variety of subjects. It starts mid-August and is one week long. Most of the topics are religious in nature. This is my fourteenth year to attend. Every year I get a spiritual boost. It is a highlight of my year.

Last year, I was inspired to make some important goals. One of those was coming out to my parents. I've spoken about it before, but having the feeling to come out to someone --I believe-- is a spiritual prompting. One that if you follow, you will receive blessings. I am happy that last November, I followed that prompting I received at Education Week and came out to my brother and his family and then my parents. The blessings I've received from that prompting have continued to enrich my life. My brother and sister-in-law have invited Aaron and I to their home a second time. That is a huge blessing! I know in time Aaron and I will forge the same relationships with my parents.

Last year and this, I felt a hesitation to attend Education Week. Only now do I realize why. The changes I've effected have been positive and life-changing events. There's certainly someone who doesn't want me to make those choices. Feeling the Spirit here helps clarify the journey ahead of me. I wish that Aaron could attend with me. I miss him. I know he would learn a lot here too.

So many gay people are afraid to feel the Spirit. I can't blame them, so often it's often in an atmosphere of judgment. Education Week is like General Conference, only *I* get to choose the speakers and their topics.

PS - Earlier today I ran into a sister I served with on my mission. It was great to catch up in the short time we had. It makes me want to send out an e-mail to all my mission friends catching them up on my life and coming out to them. That way I don't have to ignore the big pink elephant in the room. I won't have to avoid them.

Sigh

Yesterday my nephew Shane left with his family for home. People often say that you don't realize how much you will miss someone until they're gone. In this case it's different. Aaron and I already knew how difficult it would be to see him go. Over the past two months, we've gotten to know Shane well. He became part of our home and family. We care about him a lot. We even offered to let him stay with us for his senior year.

Perhaps things are best this way. He'll get to spend his senior year with his friends. It's difficult though. I walk past his empty room, or want to play Halo, or paint figures and he isn't here. We'll miss him terribly. But he isn't that far away. My brother has already invited us up to visit and play games.

*sigh*

Conversation

I had an interesting chat conversation with a best friend of mine. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read or remember I have a blog. If he does, everything I say here is what I would like him to hear.

Chris and I go way back. We first met back at BYU in my freshman year. Both of us have strong personalities and sometimes we don't see eye to eye. But excluding those times, we are eerily similar in our point of view. We spent summers together visiting national parks and camping. We really were inseparable. We had dreams of building homes next to each other and our children calling the other Uncle. Later he married my last girlfriend and now they have two children.

Later, Chris joined the Army to pay for dental school and he moved away. He still has family in Utah so I saw him from time to time. However, I created a distance between us. I had already discovered that I was gay and was meeting new people and making changes in my life. I wasn't ready to come to Chris, but I was tired of lying. So I distanced myself.

Years later, I began to integrate myself and leave the deceit behind me. Chris was one of the first people I came out to. He was in Afghanistan at the time, so it had to be through e-mail. I think it was very hard for him. In a way he felt betrayed. Both by my not being honest with him for so long but by keeping him at a distance.

Last night we chatted for the first time in a year. He asked the same questions he asks every time. How's my job? I don't have one right now. I've been laid off twice. Have I considered going back to BYU and getting my degree? I can't. I'm in a relationship and am not BYU Honor Code compliant. He replied, "Oh, there is that." I mean really!? I get the feeling that Chris only asks the safe questions. That for some reason he is afraid to find out about my life. In a way that hurts. He lives several states away, so I couldn't see him often. But I would like to include him in my life. I guess I should make more effort.

So how has coming out to your religious friends gone? Or if you have had friends come out to you, how did effect your relationship? Is it awkward? Or better because there is more honesty?

Weather!

I know it isn't logical to be angry at the weather. If you like it or love it, it isn't going to change. That doesn't matter to me right now. I am MAD. Twenty days ago I went to Pride. It rained on our parade. More like poured. I was soaked. I caught swine flu. I didn't go to the Festival because I was too busy simultaneously burning up and shivering with an intense headache.

Then today, we go to the Arts Festival. We didn't get to go last year. We met up with some friends of Aaron's. We ate and watched one art event. Then the rain came. Everything closed up and we left. Parking is atrocious so we had parked blocks away. We got soaked! It was my first outdoor event since Pride. Croquet was rained out too.

Then a little earlier today I invited everyone to watch fireworks with us at Sugarhouse Park for Independence Day. I check the weather and guess what? 40% of rain! Scattered T-showers! I think I'm done planning outdoor activities for the summer. Well, if you can call this summer. I feel like Oregon left its weather here. We'll just go from spring rains to fall rains to snow.

At least I got a few nice photos.

Changes

I haven't put up a blog post in quite awhile. And here it is nearly 2:30 in the morning and I feel like blogging. I've learned you don't look a blog horse in the mouth.

So one of the biggest changes in my life is taking place right now. My 17-year old nephew is living with Aaron and I for the summer. The circumstances are interesting and if you ask I may tell you. But he'll be living in our spare room till school starts in the fall.

It's taking some adjusting. I don't have a job right now. I'm used to having the house to myself while Aaron is at work. We're working on getting my nephew a job. I'm sure he gets bored here. I know I'm looking through adult (childless) glasses, but how do parents stand having their children home all day all summer? A job takes up to eight hours of the day. What do parents do with their children the rest of the time? There aren't that many "chores" here. We have a two-bedroom apartment. But I don't like the idea of him just watching TV all day or playing on facebook. We're learning.

But I think this is good. It shows immense trust in Aaron and I. How many parents do you know who would send their "impressionable young adult" to go live with their gay sibling and his partner? My brother and his wife are strong LDS people too. I was surprised and complimented. I think this will be a big step towards Aaron becoming a part of my family. He is becoming a true uncle.

This is a big change and I know there will be more adjustments. But I'm glad we made this decision together and I'm excited to see where it leads.

Our First Protest.

The title of this post sounds like a children's book. Ooh, we'll make it a pop-up book! This was the first ever protest we've participated in. I'm very glad we went. Marriage equality is something I feel strongly about. I love Aaron. I haven't felt like this with any other person. I think I'm a selfish person by nature. But I do my best to put him first and show him my love. I don't know when we'll get "married", but I know it isn't an "if". I really do want to spend my life with him.

Now I don't need the government's approval to love Aaron or spend my life with him. I don't need same-sex marriage legalized to show him that love. Even if laws and legislature are not necessary, why the intense opposition? Why do people hate the idea of us solemnizing our commitment and having legal right bestowed on our relationship? Why do the religious feel this is an attack on their rights?

This country promises a future for its citizens. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I am a citizen of the United States. I am an honest, caring, intelligent, and fun individual. Why do people care if I want to spend my life with a man?

As an LDS person, I know my religion says homosexuality is a sin. Perhaps by creating laws that solemnize that "sin" LDS people believe they are condoning it. Don't condone it. Don't even love it. But allow me that choice. If it really is a sin, it is only one that harms me. There is no "second-hand gay" to inhale. There are no "driving under the influence of gay" citations. It doesn't harm you in the least. I know it doesn't harm me.

For the other gay people who read this: Remember who you are. You are loved. You are citizens of this great country. You deserve equality.

For my LDS friends and other religious people: Remember the Golden Rule. I would never want to vote to divorce your (or my) parents, grandparents or friends. I respect the lives they live. I know you respect me as a person. Respect me as a couple too.

PS - Reading this may have made some of my friends uncomfortable. Don't be. I'm the same guy. I just think how much Aaron means to me... and I want to protect it.

Word of the Day: Coincidental

Actually the word of the day could be "ironic" or "coincidental". As you may know, in American English usage people use the word "ironic" when they actually mean "coincidental."

My example today from a chat I had:

Me: Reminder: Gay Day @ Hogle Zoo, tomorrow at 1 PM. Wear red!

ItsTrue: ironically, I've never actually been to Hogle

Me: Ironically?

ItsTrue: I live in Salt Lake City

Me: Ah

ItsTrue: you'd think that'd be something I've done

ItsTrue: well....my assumption, anyway.

The Escape

I had a thought today. I've written about many topics on this blog. Since coming out here in November I've had a lot of topics to write about that I didn't before. To some extent I've been able to integrate friends from both sides of my life. I have been pretty successful in becoming integrated rather than compartmentalized. The thought that occurred to me today was to be thankful for one of the sources of that change.

I'm currently (and have been for almost five years) one of the moderators of a group called The Escape. When I lived in Provo and was attending BYU I became friends with a guy named Jeromy. He is gay like I am and my age. We hit it off very well. He had just started a group he called The Escape. Basically Jeromy opened his home to host activities where other gay people and their friends could come to socialize, watch movies, play games, and other activities. He created a Yahoo group so he could announce the various activities. One of the tenets of the group was that alcohol is not needed in order to have a good time.

I remember the first time I went to an Escape party. It was the second one ever held. I was very nervous. It was my first time being at a gay event. I had to convince myself that I could do it. I remember showing up and feeling very out of place. Everyone seemed at ease. For those of you that don't know me well, when I am in a group of people I don't know I get really quiet. I'm sure I said very little at the activity. I remember Jeromy saying hello to me. But he was hosting the party and couldn't spend much time with me. It reminds me of the feeling when I was first off my mission and went to a Christmas party thrown by some relatives of mine. It was a feeling of subdued panic. I was tense. Afterward, I was glad I went. It was far outside my comfort circle. I didn't talk about anything at the party, but it was good to hear other people talk about being gay like it was an everyday thing.

I became very good friends with Jeromy and became part of the planning process for The Escape. Most of those early parties were pretty simple. We'd watch movies and socialize. I met the first guy I ever dated at one of those parties. I remember holding his hand as we watched a movie. We got creative though. We had a Vegas party once where we built and created our own Vegas-style props for the party. That party was huge! The place was packed.

Jeromy and his boyfriend moved away and I volunteered to lead the group. Sadly, nothing happened while I was in charge. I didn't own my own place and we didn't have a place to host activities. The group just stayed on hiatus until Jeromy returned.

The next largest change occurred when Aaron (my boyfriend) and I moved to Salt Lake City. Jeromy now lived in BYU-approved housing and couldn't host The Escape any longer. Aaron and I started having it our home. The Escape changed. No longer in the shade of secrecy needed to operate in Utah County the organization made a big change. Just as Jeromy, Aaron and I had evolved into openly gay, integrated, and happy men, the scope of the group was doing the same. We began having larger activities and in the public. We host Gay Day at Hogle Zoo. We are a large part of Gay Day at Lagoon Park. We play croquet and barbecue in the park. You may have seen pictures of these activities on my facebook page. Aaron and I have welcomed many people into our home under the umbrella of The Escape. Now, rather than giving closeted gays a place to be their selves (and we still do that), we help gay men choose happy and healthy lives.

I think another era is opening up for the group right now. The Escape has been largely insular until now. We didn't allow other groups to advertise on our Yahoo group. We wouldn't let other people host activities. We never did anything with other groups. We're changing that. Salt Lake is a much larger place with many more resources. We have begun to network with the other gay and lesbian groups here. Last week I had a phone interview with QSaltLake, Utah's gay news magazine. They had seen our facebook group and our planned Gay Day at Hogle Zoo. I'm hoping they'll do an article beforehand and we'll get more people to show up. We recently changed our age policy too. Before this month, we encouraged people over 40 to find a group better suited to their situations. We've removed that. We're open to any age. I think all of these changes are going to be incredible! It has meant losing some control that we kept tight, but it is going to make very positive changes.

Thinking about this just gave me another great idea!

Spring Flowers

Just some pictures I took around the neighborhood. I love spring. I feel content and happy feeling the sun on my back and such beautiful colors. *smile*

Romaniaphile

I've heard it said that after your mission, not a day will go by where you will not think of it. I think it's true for me. Sometimes it's just a Romanian word in my head. Other times I think of the members and investigators I knew there. Or I think of the cities, the architecture and the streets.

Right now I am listening to the Romanian Rhapsody by George Enescu on youtube. I remember listening to this on my mission. It stirs my memories. Reading in my apartment, listening to the CD I bought in the market. Actually, most classical music was sold in little stores. The pirated pop music was what you found in the markets. (I bought plenty of that too. Though I didn't listen to it until after my mission.)

My MTC companion just finished a trip back to Romania. I hope he posts a lot of pictures up on facebook. I know I will go back to visit again. I did it the summer after my mission and it's really what helped me move on.

I just looked up the weather for one of my favorite cities. Arad will have a high of 72 tomorrow with 20% chance of precipitation. Sounds perfect. I wish I had someone that I could talk Romania with! *smile*

Corkboard

This is from my flair application on facebook. I was looking at it today and thinking what a good snapshot of my sense of humor and interests it is.

Some of them may be hard to see. On the real app, you can bring any of the buttons to the foreground and enlarge them.

Scott's Blog

I saw this video and thought, Wow that was beautiful. I wasn't going to post it because I don't want this to become just a "gay blog". Then I thought, This isn't a gay blog. This is Scott's blog.

Star Trek!

Flattered and Hopeful

I just read these words and found them to be inspired. They were said by the NAACP's Julian Bond.

When someone asks me, "are gay rights civil rights?" my answer is always, "Of course, they are." Civil rights are positive legal prerogatives: the right to equal treatment before the law. These are the rights shared by everyone. There is no one in the United States who does not, or should not, enjoy or share in enjoying these rights. Gay and lesbian rights are not special rights in any way. It isn't "special" to be free from discrimination. It is an ordinary, universal entitlement of citizenship.

...People of color ought to be flattered that our movement has provided so much inspiration for others. That, it has been, that our movement has been so widely imitated. That our tactics, our methods, our heroes, our heroines, and even our songs, have been appropriated or served as models for others.

...Now, no parallel between movements is exact. African-Americans are the only Americans who were enslaved for more than two centuries and people of color carried the badge of who we are on our faces. But we are far from the only people suffering discrimination; sadly, so do many others. And those others deserve the law's protection and civil rights too.

I am an openly gay man. But I haven't been that way for very long. I have had a boyfriend for three and a half years. I came out to my parents only five months ago. I was out to two out of my three last jobs. I haven't had much experience with discrimination. (Other than mistaken discrimination.) I'm sure that will change with time. I know that there are countless other gay men and women who deal with discrimination and hatred often. They may find it at the workplace, their places of worship, among their families or maybe from the populace at large. It can be easy to ignore it because it isn't at your doorstep.

It can be difficult to understand it. But imagine being denied a marriage license because you are blond. Perhaps you weren't hired because you are left-handed. Maybe you were denied an apartment contract because you were too short. Some opponents of human rights (I say human rights because gay men and women are human too.) will tell you that you have the same rights you do. After all, you could die your hair blond, learn to be right-handed and maybe wear heels. Most people don't even realize what rights they do have. Rights are so rarely taken away that we don't have experience with it.

The question remains, what to do about it? I am not a political activist. I do vote. I think the best that we gay people can do is to come out to people. When others know you personally they will find it harder to take away or deny your rights. It takes a lot of guts to be out to your family, your co-workers and friends. But it will do you good. For those of you that are friends and family to gay men and women, get to know us better. Invite us to activities with your straight friends and family. Understand that we are as human as yourself with the same strengths and weaknesses. We want to be respected, build families, and secure our futures. Every bit of your love, friendship and compassion is appreciated.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Ketchup

So last weekend Aaron and I and two other friends went to 24 Hour fitness. Aaron and I went with the intent of joining. (The membership people weren't there as it was late, so we couldn't join that day.) It was the first time I'd set foot in a gym since maybe 2003 or so. Back at BYU I worked out with my friend Reed for a semester or two. Ever since that time I've wanted to go back. I either didn't have the time, money, or a workout partner. Now I have all three.

Aaron had never been to a gym. Our two friends Dan and Jer both took turns working out with us. We went easy and it was fun. I did cardio for the first time ever. When I worked out at BYU I never did cardio. I was trying to gain weight not lose it.

After working out and one more run of cardio we went to the steam room for awhile and then used the hot tub. I'll tell you the truth, having access to a hot tub 24/7 is a major motivation for Aaron and I. I have the added motivation of knowing how much fun working out is and the great changes it enduces. One more bit of motivation: Our gym (in Sugarhouse) is full of hot guys! Some of you may gasp that I would admit that. Aaron and I are a great couple. We love each other an awful lot. That being said, we both *love* checking out guys. As I sometimes say, "We have a closed relationship, but we have open eyes." We will scope out hot men point them out to the other. We even have some code words and hand signals to that effect. I think, by joining the gym, Aaron and I will add ourselves to those hot men's ranks.

So four days later my arms are still a little sore. LOL I remember it being that way when I started working out the first time. I'm a skinny guy (with a little padding now) and it has always been hard for me to gain weight (muscle or otherwise). I know this will bump my metabolism and body in the right direction and I'm excited to see the results! I'll keep you updated.

PS - I know some of my blog readers and are wondering about the ketchup. It's a pun (gasp!) on catching up.

Trolley Square Anniversary

The day before yesterday was the two year anniversary of the Trolley Square shooting. I had to work that evening so Aaron and I were unable to visit the mall until half an hour before it closes. I bought some flowers to leave there. There was one little set of flowers there and a candle burning. It was good to know that someone remembered.

I hope that there were more flowers earlier. Perhaps mall management had already removed the other memorials. I know that reminding customers that people died in that spot is not good for business. But for one day, it should be acceptable.

Truthfully, I wish they had a plaque, a statue, or some kind of memorial there. I think it's very important to remember these sort of things. But the mall is there to make money not to memorialize those who passed into the next life. I didn't lose anyone in the shooting but I'm fortunate that I'm still alive. I'm lucky that none of my co-workers or customers were harmed, especially when it was so close.

It hardly seems possible that it was two years ago. Simultaneously it feels like it was a few months ago and 5-6 years ago. I can remember it very well, but it feels very distant.

Aaron said something yesterday that I'm trying to remember, "I think it's good to commemorate these events so that we can remember what we do have and how blessed we are."