Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Life Changing



When I found out that we would need to do service hours I was nervous.  I wasn’t sure when I would find the time.  I also tend to get antsy when I’m put in new situations.  It wasn’t really worrying about working with disabled people as much as working with strangers in an unknown environment.  I don’t know why I worry.  Whenever I extend outside my comfort circle I end up being very happy that I did it.  The same happened with this opportunity.

I looked through the list of community opportunities.  When I found the Children’s Center I knew that was the one.  I love children, but I haven’t had an opportunity to work or play with them in quite some time.  In fact, when I was young I wanted to be a pediatrician.  Children are generally drawn to me.  They feel safe.

So I went to the Children’s Center for my orientation.  They were very genuine and helpful.  They explained what we would be doing.  It did a lot to relieve my tension.

In a few days I started my actual service.  I volunteered in the morning in a pre-school aged class.  There was about eight students and two teachers.  As soon as you start playing with the children, you are forming bonds.  Though the students may have various levels of disability, (mostly autism) it isn’t readily apparent.  As you get to know them you can see their differences.  Some of the children are very gregarious and outgoing.  Others are quiet and never say a word.  You don’t see it right away, but you can see that some of them have difficulties with human touch.  They may have a larger personal bubble or don’t want to be touched at all.  You have to earn their trust.  In the orientation the spoke about some of the children coming from difficult homes.  None of my children seemed abused, but that might not be completely obvious.

The day will start with us going down the stairs to greet the children at the busses.  Many of the children will run from the bus to hug their teachers.  They were cautious around me.  Then we help the children go up the three flights of stairs to their classrooms.  In the foyer we stop and put away our coats.  The teachers put out a blanket and we sing the welcome song.  Then we get out the lotion and show each other any owies we might have.  Once done we go into the class and have cereal and milk.  The teacher will pull out two books and have the children vote for which one they would like to hear.  Next is play time.  There are different toys each day.  The children are encouraged to share.  I have a preconception, perhaps unfounded, that autistic children have a hard time sharing.  Well, any pre-school aged child would.  But these children really seemed to understand.  Yes, sometimes one would grab something that isn’t his, but he’s quickly but kindly corrected.  After play time we clean up and it’s time for a lesson.  On the first day we learned about our bodies and how they grow.  There are small babies, children, and big people.  The children were very interested.  Afterward, we have lunch.  It was fun watching the children and the inevitable messes that happen.  They get such a concerned look when they spill.  I was only there three hours, but it went by so quickly.

So yesterday, Andy and I were playing together.  He’s a bigger kid and sometimes uses his size to get what he wants.  We were building something and it accidentally fell.  He said an expletive and looked at me with big eyes.  He knew he has said something he shouldn’t.  The look also said, “What are you going to do?”  I replied, “Andy, we don’t use that word.”  He then looked at me questioningly and asked, “Oh my goodness?”  He wanted to know if that was the correct response.  “Yes, Oh my goodness, Andy.”  He smiled and continued playing.

I love this program.  Yes, it is geared to the mental health of children that may be disabled.  But really it’s something that any pre-school aged child would benefit from.  Education from caring adults with a very good child-adult ratio makes for a wonderful experience.  The children feel included and loved.  At this age they probably don’t face much discrimination yet.  None of the children were visibly disabled.  But the skills and lesson they learned here will enable them to better adapt to childhood and adulthood.

We’ve talked about normalizing disability and not sequestering them away.  I agree one-hundred percent, but somehow this seems different.  In a way its preventative.  They don’t live in the center, they’re only there three hours a day.  But I imagine it gives the parents an opportunity to relax from the stress of having a disabled child.  It would feel good too to know that your child is with people you can trust.  In a way, this is like a blind person going through training to be able to walk outside on his own.  These children are learning how to interact with both adults and other children.  A lesson often given was using our words to tell others what we’d like or what we don’t like.  But as I said, this is something all children need to learn.

I think this program must increase the quality of life of these children dramatically.  A safe space with loving adults and interesting children provide a great opportunity for learning.

I’ve decided to continue volunteering here.  It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like I’m doing something fulfilling and worthwhile.  My job doesn’t fulfill me in the slightest.  But at the Children’s Center I know I’m making a difference in a child’s life.  Seeing that trust being built is absolutely priceless.  I’m glad that I did the service.  I only wish I hadn’t have procrastinated.  I’d have even more time with those little guys and girls.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Different Anniversary and Thankfulness

Three years ago today I came out to my parents.  At that point it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.  It was at an Education Week the year before that I was inspired to come out to my parents.  The following January, I realized how hard it was for Aaron to date a closeted man.  I vowed and made a new year's resolution that he wouldn't have another Christmas with me closeted. 

I've shared it here before, but I have a theory.  The Holy Ghost is a spirit of truth.  When someone bears their testimony of truth, if you're receptive, you'll feel it.  Coming out is one of the bigger truths of your personality and existence.  You may have been hiding it for years.  I'm sure you were like me and it built walls between you and your loved ones and friends.  That distance is painful and makes you feel lonely.  When you are prompted to come out --and I think it is a prompting-- listen!  My coming out to my parents was a spiritual experience for me.  I shared the truth.  The Holy Ghost responded.  I am closer to my family than I have been in a very long time.

Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask him for the bravery to come out.  Ask him for a prompting to know when the time is right.  Then search for that opportunity.  Don't procrastinate it.  You'll want to say, "Oh, after the holidays.  Or once I've graduated."  Or whatever.  God will prompt you, but it probably won't be when you expect or want.  But have the bravery to act.

I wrote shortly about my experience here.  I do not think that God wants you to remain closeted or in pain.

Moving on...

Aaron and my family have integrated wonderfully.  He gets along so well with everyone.  When we were first getting used to the idea, I told him that eventually I wanted it so that he could go to my family without me and feel perfectly accepted.  I think we're nearly there.

So for this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for coming out, a loving family, a loving partner, a loving Heavenly Father, and the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Anniversary!

Today, I am proud to say is Aaron's and I five year anniversary!  It makes me smile just saying it.  :) It simultaneously feels like so much longer and so much shorter than that.  Way back when I wasn't ready for a relationship.  I wasn't out to hardly anyone including my family and most of my friends.  I was going to BYU in fact.  But Aaron and I connected.  He had moved down from Oregon to find a nice returned missionary to settle down with.  I'm proud it was me!

Those of you who know Aaron, know how sweet and giving he is.  He always puts other people and their needs ahead of his own.  He has a wonderful sense of humor and an infectious laugh.  He is very hardworking as well.  Let me say, relationships are *hard* work.  It takes adjustments, forgiveness, empathy and sympathy and just a desire to put the other person's needs before your own.  All of that doesn't come right at the start either.  It is a process.

I am so very happy to have shared these five years with him and even happier to share many, many more.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Post-Christmas Wrap Up

A blessing.  That is exactly the word I'd use to describe it.  I expected Christmas this year to run smoothly, but in a moderate and small way.  After all, you take small steps to make progress.  I was surprised however. 

Aaron had to work on Christmas Day.  So we planned around it.  He wouldn't be able to visit my brother's family in Logan that day, so we planned around it.  We visited Paul & co. on Christmas eve.  We went out to dinner with them and then went to their home to open gifts and play games.  Aaron, Paul, Jade and the boys get along really well.  I can see Aaron being himself with them and it makes me happy.

We were there till 11:30ish.  When we arrived home, I needed to wrap all of my presents.  With work, it was the only time I had to do it.  I think we were up till 2:30 AM wrapping.  I'd been exhausted all week from work.  Retail is hell during Christmas.  We both collapsed in bed after that. 

We needed to arrive at my parents' home at 8 AM, so we didn't get much sleep that night.  But we got up in time to exchange gifts with each other.  Even thinking back on it now, it makes me beam.  Aaron and I have been together for four years now, going on five.  This was our first Christmas together.  Having Christmas morning together is what couples do.  I really felt closer to him for it. 

So we arrived a little past eight and we exchanged gifts with my parents.  A few days earlier, my mom had asked what she should get Aaron for Christmas.  It really warmed my heart when she said that.  Aaron and I put both our names on all of the gifts we gave.  But later, after Aaron had left, I let my mom know which ones he had picked out.  She was touched too. 

My sister and her family normally come around 9 and we have a big breakfast together.  Then we exchange gifts with them.  Aaron and I planned on him leaving before she got there.  That way there wouldn't be any uncomfortableness.  (I'm not out to my sister and her family yet.)  I told my mom this and she said, that no, they planned on Aaron spending as much time as possible until he had to leave for work. 

I really did receive a lot of blessings this Christmas.  We were both dead tired, it's true.  But we got to spend the holiday together and with my family.  That to me is a miracle.  It wasn't uncomfortable or forced.  Parents are wonderful things really.  When they see the love you have for someone, some of their love transfers to him.  I could see that very clearly this holiday. 

I couldn't ask for more.  (Well, maybe a little more sleep.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Romaniaphile

I've heard it said that after your mission, not a day will go by where you will not think of it. I think it's true for me. Sometimes it's just a Romanian word in my head. Other times I think of the members and investigators I knew there. Or I think of the cities, the architecture and the streets.

Right now I am listening to the Romanian Rhapsody by George Enescu on youtube. I remember listening to this on my mission. It stirs my memories. Reading in my apartment, listening to the CD I bought in the market. Actually, most classical music was sold in little stores. The pirated pop music was what you found in the markets. (I bought plenty of that too. Though I didn't listen to it until after my mission.)

My MTC companion just finished a trip back to Romania. I hope he posts a lot of pictures up on facebook. I know I will go back to visit again. I did it the summer after my mission and it's really what helped me move on.

I just looked up the weather for one of my favorite cities. Arad will have a high of 72 tomorrow with 20% chance of precipitation. Sounds perfect. I wish I had someone that I could talk Romania with! *smile*



Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Flattered and Hopeful

I just read these words and found them to be inspired. They were said by the NAACP's Julian Bond.
When someone asks me, "are gay rights civil rights?" my answer is always, "Of course, they are." Civil rights are positive legal prerogatives: the right to equal treatment before the law. These are the rights shared by everyone. There is no one in the United States who does not, or should not, enjoy or share in enjoying these rights. Gay and lesbian rights are not special rights in any way. It isn't "special" to be free from discrimination. It is an ordinary, universal entitlement of citizenship.

...People of color ought to be flattered that our movement has provided so much inspiration for others. That, it has been, that our movement has been so widely imitated. That our tactics, our methods, our heroes, our heroines, and even our songs, have been appropriated or served as models for others.

...Now, no parallel between movements is exact. African-Americans are the only Americans who were enslaved for more than two centuries and people of color carried the badge of who we are on our faces. But we are far from the only people suffering discrimination; sadly, so do many others. And those others deserve the law's protection and civil rights too.

I am an openly gay man. But I haven't been that way for very long. I have had a boyfriend for three and a half years. I came out to my parents only five months ago. I was out to two out of my three last jobs. I haven't had much experience with discrimination. (Other than mistaken discrimination.) I'm sure that will change with time. I know that there are countless other gay men and women who deal with discrimination and hatred often. They may find it at the workplace, their places of worship, among their families or maybe from the populace at large. It can be easy to ignore it because it isn't at your doorstep.

It can be difficult to understand it. But imagine being denied a marriage license because you are blond. Perhaps you weren't hired because you are left-handed. Maybe you were denied an apartment contract because you were too short. Some opponents of human rights (I say human rights because gay men and women are human too.) will tell you that you have the same rights you do. After all, you could die your hair blond, learn to be right-handed and maybe wear heels. Most people don't even realize what rights they do have. Rights are so rarely taken away that we don't have experience with it.

The question remains, what to do about it? I am not a political activist. I do vote. I think the best that we gay people can do is to come out to people. When others know you personally they will find it harder to take away or deny your rights. It takes a lot of guts to be out to your family, your co-workers and friends. But it will do you good. For those of you that are friends and family to gay men and women, get to know us better. Invite us to activities with your straight friends and family. Understand that we are as human as yourself with the same strengths and weaknesses. We want to be respected, build families, and secure our futures. Every bit of your love, friendship and compassion is appreciated.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Doing well

I really love my job. I feel really lucky that I found one that fits me so well. I like what I do, I like coming into work, and I like all my co-workers. They're my friends. The icing on the cake is that I actually do *well* at this job. Last week, we had our new employee of the month sign put up. It was me! I don't know if there are qualifications outside of how much you sell, but I did the best with somewhere around $47,000 in sales for December. Yeah, even I was surprised.

For January I sold the most PWPs. (I don't know what the acronym stands for.) PWPs are the items that are half off with purchase for the month. We have to tell each customer that as they check out. I had a really good percentage.

For the past several weeks, I've been doing superb too. John, our manager is excellent at sales. It is almost always impossible to beat him. Our assistant manager is awesome too. But lately I've been selling more than the two of them combined. :D

Okay, one last toot on my horn. For February there is a nationwide contest amongst the stores as to who can sell the most of a certain product. I didn't realize this until a few days ago when we received an e-mail with the current standings. On the district, store, and associate level, we are number two. But that was the day before I sold $1500 of that product. I'm pretty sure I'm number one now. And if I can keep that up... 1st prize is $500!

All of this puts me in such a good mood. It isn't because I'm winning, but because I'm loving what I'm doing. I think my numbers are good because of that. You're good at what you like, and you like what you're good at.