Another Step Forward

One more step down today.  I met with a general counselor to help plan my classes.  I learned a lot too.  But I am such a procrastinator.  After all, classes start on the 9th.  But that step is done.

I have to say, I am nervous.  Not per se for the classes, or for college itself, but balancing school and a full-time job.  It has been my anger/disappointment/frustration with work that has spurred me to return to college to get my degree.  We have cashiers that have been there for over 15 years.  And no offense, but they're worn out husks of what they probably could have been.  I don't want to be that and I think I have so much untapped potential that retail will never touch.

The counselor recommended that I take two classes or about six credits.  That sounds good to me.  He said that English was a good choice.  Math, science and English were the only areas where "you won't just be unemployed after graduation."  He also talked about English teachers being able to teach other topics like drama, etc.  That sort of makes me cringe.  Not that those topics aren't very important to students, but that to have a career I'd have to generalize more.  Ugh.  But, I want a career, not just an empty degree. 

He also recommended that I get to know the EDU professors very well.  I'll need a letter of recommendation to get into a teaching program.  That will be a change for me and one that I knew I'd need to make.  Back in high school, teachers really loved me.  I had one that cried when I graduated.  I got along well with all of them and really well with a few.  Skip forward to BYU.  I don't think any professors knew my name or anything about me.  And it wasn't just because of large classes or something.  I went to class, took notes, and left.  I never liked those students you'd see crowding the professor after class asking questions and getting attention.  But... it's probably those students who finished their degrees and have promising careers and homes now. 

So what advice do any of you have so that I can step out of my comfort zone and know professors well enough that when the time comes, they can write me an excellent letter of recommendation?

School... Again.

Earlier this year I was at Lava Hot Springs with a bunch of friends.  Aaron, myself and three others were headed to the hot springs.  Two of my friends in the back seats were talking about house payments and retirement.  I was listening and it hit me how different their stories are from me. 

Aaron and I have dreams.  One of those is owning a home with a backyard and washing/drying machine.  We'd like to own a cat and a dog.  It's the American dream right?

There is no way that we can achieve those dreams on the path I'm currently on.  I work in a dead-end job.  While I was in the car, it hit me that I have the job of an eighteen year old.  I'm thirty-three now!  It was then I had an epiphany:  I needed to return to college and get my degree.  As soon as I had that conclusion, it felt right.

But the thought occurred to me, a degree doesn't get you that much.  How many of you, your friends, or family have degrees but do nothing with them?  I want a much better job because I get a degree.  It wasn't long after that thought that my mind latched onto becoming a teacher.  It's true that teachers in general (and Utahn teachers in specific) don't make very much.  But I assure you, they make much more than I currently do.

So I began the steps towards getting back to school.  I'm a procrastinator and move very slow when doing new things.  When I have frustrating days at (retail) work, it spurs me to come home and complete the next step.  So yesterday I got my application for student aid completed.  I have my transcripts.  Soon I will be enrolled in SLCC.  I hope to get some classes fixed and anything else I need done before transferring to the U. 

I think to myself, you know if you started this when you first moved to Salt Lake, you'd be a teacher by now and well on your way to achieving your dreams.  But no matter, I am on the path right now.

I used to think that the mistakes I made at BYU couldn't be rectified.  I fell into yet another rut.  It feels *very* good to be moving forward again.

The Future

I have a theory.  It's called the Four Sins of Gaydom.  (I'm sure they apply to all people, but especially gays.)  One of those four is Stagnation.  It's so easy to be stuck in a rut.  This could be emotionally, socially, financially, or in your career.  Of the four sins, stagnation is the one I'm prone to.  I fear change.  For the longest while, I was content to live in Provo as a student even though I had dropped out of school.  I just worked a part time job and played the rest of the time.  At another time I was afraid of relationships and wanted to stay an unattached single.  It's easy to stay put and difficult to progress and change.

A week ago, Aaron and I were with twenty other friends at the schoolhouse at Lava Hot Springs.  Five of us were in a car on our way to swim at the springs.  In the back seat two friends were talking about their careers and homes.  One was planning on retiring when he's fifty.  Both were talking about their mortgages and owning their homes.  The thought occurred to me, "I don't have any of that.  I don't have a career.  I have the job of an eighteen-year-old.  I don't have any prospects either.  Aaron and I are nowhere near retirement.  We also are nowhere near purchasing a home."  These thoughts occur to me from time to time, nagging in the background.  But I push them out and justify my situation.  This time it was different.

"I can change it!"  Right then, inspiration hit me.  I can go back to school, get my degree and get a career.  There are many reasons why I should get my degree.  I can become more educated.  I can be more well-rounded.  But most importantly, I can get a real career with a real future.

I talked to Aaron about it.  I wasn't sure what kind of career I wanted.  But it hit me, I want to be a teacher.  More specifically, I want to be a high-school teacher.  It feels right to me.  And yes, it's not the best pay.  Here in Utah, the average teacher salary is $40k.  It may be small in comparison to other careers, but it's a HUGE improvement for me.

I am excited!  I have many steps in front of me, but it's something that will make me a much better person.  I can rectify something I thought was irreparable.  I know the path back may be difficult.  But Aaron and I are dedicated and excited.

Look forward to blogs about my path forward.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell