Big Red Hammer

Future Note

2012-01-07T21:04:00.001-07:00

This post is more for me than anyone else. I know that my blog is a sort of journal and I'll read this post in the future and remember. Scott, when you write your book, "The Four Sins of Gaydom", remember "Oh the Places You'll Go," when it comes to writing about stagnation.

That is all.

Another Step Forward

2012-01-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

One more step down today. I met with a general counselor to help plan my classes. I learned a lot too. But I am such a procrastinator. After all, classes start on the 9th. But that step is done.

I have to say, I am nervous. Not per se for the classes, or for college itself, but balancing school and a full-time job. It has been my anger/disappointment/frustration with work that has spurred me to return to college to get my degree. We have cashiers that have been there for over 15 years. And no offense, but they're worn out husks of what they probably could have been. I don't want to be that and I think I have so much untapped potential that retail will never touch.

The counselor recommended that I take two classes or about six credits. That sounds good to me. He said that English was a good choice. Math, science and English were the only areas where "you won't just be unemployed after graduation." He also talked about English teachers being able to teach other topics like drama, etc. That sort of makes me cringe. Not that those topics aren't very important to students, but that to have a career I'd have to generalize more. Ugh. But, I want a career, not just an empty degree.

He also recommended that I get to know the EDU professors very well. I'll need a letter of recommendation to get into a teaching program. That will be a change for me and one that I knew I'd need to make. Back in high school, teachers really loved me. I had one that cried when I graduated. I got along well with all of them and really well with a few. Skip forward to BYU. I don't think any professors knew my name or anything about me. And it wasn't just because of large classes or something. I went to class, took notes, and left. I never liked those students you'd see crowding the professor after class asking questions and getting attention. But... it's probably those students who finished their degrees and have promising careers and homes now.

So what advice do any of you have so that I can step out of my comfort zone and know professors well enough that when the time comes, they can write me an excellent letter of recommendation?

2011-12-24T15:01:00.002-07:00

Merry Christmas to all! Thanksgiving isn't the only time to be thankful. I'm thankful for my family, my Layton friends, my Salt Lake friends, my Provo friends, prietenii mei de misunea, and my co-workers. Each of you have contributed to who I am.

A special thank you to Aaron who is my one and only. You make Christmas special!

No Candy!

2011-11-29T15:24:00.001-07:00

For the month of November, Aaron and I have been on a no candy diet. The idea had been rattling around in my head for a month or so. It took shape on Halloween. We had purchased a giant bag of really good candy to give out. We only got one child. I gave him a huge handful of the goodies, but that left us with pounds of candy.

I don't know about you, but even really good food can seem gross if there's a lot of in one place. My best example: I like mayo on my sandwiches, but when I see a large vat of it... Gross! I got that feeling when I looked at the bag of candy.

So for the whole month, I haven't had a Reece's Pieces, a fruit snack, or a candy bar.

There have been hard parts. Walking down the candy aisle at work was a major temptation. I think my nose had become sensitive to the smell. I could smell the chocolate and I craved it.

Another time, Aaron accidentally put fruit snacks in my lunch. When I pulled them out, I groaned. I wanted them so bad.

So yesterday, I got the idea to make brownies. That really hit the spot.

The day after tomorrow I can eat the peanut butter M&Ms I have sitting behind me. I can't wait!

A Different Anniversary and Thankfulness

2011-11-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today I came out to my parents. At that point it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. It was at an Education Week the year before that I was inspired to come out to my parents. The following January, I realized how hard it was for Aaron to date a closeted man. I vowed and made a new year's resolution that he wouldn't have another Christmas with me closeted.

I've shared it here before, but I have a theory. The Holy Ghost is a spirit of truth. When someone bears their testimony of truth, if you're receptive, you'll feel it. Coming out is one of the bigger truths of your personality and existence. You may have been hiding it for years. I'm sure you were like me and it built walls between you and your loved ones and friends. That distance is painful and makes you feel lonely. When you are prompted to come out --and I think it is a prompting-- listen! My coming out to my parents was a spiritual experience for me. I shared the truth. The Holy Ghost responded. I am closer to my family than I have been in a very long time.

Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask him for the bravery to come out. Ask him for a prompting to know when the time is right. Then search for that opportunity. Don't procrastinate it. You'll want to say, "Oh, after the holidays. Or once I've graduated." Or whatever. God will prompt you, but it probably won't be when you expect or want. But have the bravery to act.

I wrote shortly about my experience here. I do not think that God wants you to remain closeted or in pain.

Moving on...

Aaron and my family have integrated wonderfully. He gets along so well with everyone. When we were first getting used to the idea, I told him that eventually I wanted it so that he could go to my family without me and feel perfectly accepted. I think we're nearly there.

So for this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for coming out, a loving family, a loving partner, a loving Heavenly Father, and the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

School... Again.

2011-11-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year I was at Lava Hot Springs with a bunch of friends. Aaron, myself and three others were headed to the hot springs. Two of my friends in the back seats were talking about house payments and retirement. I was listening and it hit me how different their stories are from me.

Aaron and I have dreams. One of those is owning a home with a backyard and washing/drying machine. We'd like to own a cat and a dog. It's the American dream right?

There is no way that we can achieve those dreams on the path I'm currently on. I work in a dead-end job. While I was in the car, it hit me that I have the job of an eighteen year old. I'm thirty-three now! It was then I had an epiphany: I needed to return to college and get my degree. As soon as I had that conclusion, it felt right.

But the thought occurred to me, a degree doesn't get you that much. How many of you, your friends, or family have degrees but do nothing with them? I want a much better job because I get a degree. It wasn't long after that thought that my mind latched onto becoming a teacher. It's true that teachers in general (and Utahn teachers in specific) don't make very much. But I assure you, they make much more than I currently do.

So I began the steps towards getting back to school. I'm a procrastinator and move very slow when doing new things. When I have frustrating days at (retail) work, it spurs me to come home and complete the next step. So yesterday I got my application for student aid completed. I have my transcripts. Soon I will be enrolled in SLCC. I hope to get some classes fixed and anything else I need done before transferring to the U.

I think to myself, you know if you started this when you first moved to Salt Lake, you'd be a teacher by now and well on your way to achieving your dreams. But no matter, I am on the path right now.

I used to think that the mistakes I made at BYU couldn't be rectified. I fell into yet another rut. It feels *very* good to be moving forward again.

2011-10-05T19:35:00.000-06:00

Gamer by J00P1T3R

Okay, so I'm a gaming geek amongst other things. This mega-mix is awesome! You know, I'm a huge Mario fan, but I find the Zelda theme to be even better.

The Future

2011-09-05T11:39:00.002-06:00

I have a theory. It's called the Four Sins of Gaydom. (I'm sure they apply to all people, but especially gays.) One of those four is Stagnation. It's so easy to be stuck in a rut. This could be emotionally, socially, financially, or in your career. Of the four sins, stagnation is the one I'm prone to. I fear change. For the longest while, I was content to live in Provo as a student even though I had dropped out of school. I just worked a part time job and played the rest of the time. At another time I was afraid of relationships and wanted to stay an unattached single. It's easy to stay put and difficult to progress and change.

A week ago, Aaron and I were with twenty other friends at the schoolhouse at Lava Hot Springs. Five of us were in a car on our way to swim at the springs. In the back seat two friends were talking about their careers and homes. One was planning on retiring when he's fifty. Both were talking about their mortgages and owning their homes. The thought occurred to me, "I don't have any of that. I don't have a career. I have the job of an eighteen-year-old. I don't have any prospects either. Aaron and I are nowhere near retirement. We also are nowhere near purchasing a home." These thoughts occur to me from time to time, nagging in the background. But I push them out and justify my situation. This time it was different.

"I can change it!" Right then, inspiration hit me. I can go back to school, get my degree and get a career. There are many reasons why I should get my degree. I can become more educated. I can be more well-rounded. But most importantly, I can get a real career with a real future.

I talked to Aaron about it. I wasn't sure what kind of career I wanted. But it hit me, I want to be a teacher. More specifically, I want to be a high-school teacher. It feels right to me. And yes, it's not the best pay. Here in Utah, the average teacher salary is $40k. It may be small in comparison to other careers, but it's a HUGE improvement for me.

I am excited! I have many steps in front of me, but it's something that will make me a much better person. I can rectify something I thought was irreparable. I know the path back may be difficult. But Aaron and I are dedicated and excited.

Look forward to blogs about my path forward.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

New Levels of Nerd

2011-05-10T23:16:00.001-06:00

So I've achieved a new level of nerd. To give you an idea of where I've been, I'll list some of the nerdy things I do.

I write Star Trek collaborative fan fiction.
98% of the books I own are science fiction
98% of the movies I own (or watch) are science fiction.
I love Tron.
I would *love* to own a Star Trek uniform.

That's just a taste. I know my nerd level is still low in comparison to some. But I'm a Gerd (gay + nerd) and that's a whole other breed.

So back on track. I subscribed to a comic book. I received it two days ago and I am *so* happy! I can't wait to get my next edition! X-Men shows up in my mail box once a month. No need to go to a comic book store and talk with Comic Book Guy to see if my edition has come in and if they've sold out. Nope, it just shows up, I read it, enjoy it and anticipate the next.

So this is a new level for me. Would I like to go to a comic-con? Yes! Would I dress up? Probably!

BTW, all this came about from watching Gay Comic Geek on youtube.com

Our Easter Vacation

2011-05-01T10:31:00.000-06:00

For Easter, Aaron and I traveled to Mesa, Arizona stopping in Las Vegas both ways. We *love* this trip! It's always warm and pleasant down there. It's great to leave behind the false spring we get in Utah. This year we did even more new things along with our traditions.


View from our hotel window.

Our first Komodo Dragon of the trip. They're big!


Petting the rays.


Jellyfish at the Mandalay Bay Aquarium.


A giant Wacky Wall Walker.

Red Square Restaurant

Superstition Mountains hike.

A beautiful collared lizard

Petroglyphs on the end of our hike.

A water snake at the pool of the petroglyphs.

A couple of lesbians took this pic of us.

All the cacti were in bloom. Beautiful.

A baboon at the Phoenix Zoo.

Riding an Oryx.

Glad to be Gay

2011-03-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

I once wanted to make a humorous t-shirt that listed one hundred reasons I was glad to be gay. I never reached that many reasons and since then I've forgotten nearly all of them. Yesterday I was reminded of one of them.

I was reading a "Dear Abby" style article in the paper. The woman writing in wrote how she was sure her husband was having an affair. She gave the dimensions of the "woman". Then she spoke how her husband would spend more time with her and seemed to like her more. "I know everyone would just advise me to leave him." she wrote. It turns out object of her anger is a flat screen television and an Xbox 360.

Yes, she's jealous of a television and a gaming system.

I laughed.

I'm very lucky. I'm partnered to Aaron, a guy who enjoys video games as much as I do. No jealousy issues at all. Don't get me wrong, I know there are plenty of women out there who enjoy video games. (I'm sure many of them could kick my trash on Halo: Reach.) However, we men out number them by... well, I can't even count!

I'm glad I'm gay because my partner loves (video) games as much as I do!

Now the letter didn't specify how much the guy is spending on the Xbox. Is it two hours a day, or twenty? Is it really a problem, or just the woman exaggerating? Either way, this isn't the problem, it's a symptom. I've known guys who spent all their waking hours on a console. This wasn't because it was so enthralling or entertaining. It was because they were trying to escape the pressures of life they found unbearable.

The "Abby" person wrote that the woman should try to find a game they could both enjoy on the console. I think that's a great idea. But I think along with that she should try to find out the cause of the symptom rather than just alleviate it.

Frustration!

2011-02-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

I just read that the Second-parent Adoption bill failed to advance in the Utah Senate committee. As a refresher, Utah law only allows married or single, non-cohabiting adults to adopt. This is mostly to stop gay couples from adopting. I'm sure many straight people get the short end of the stick too. So I guess you could live on your own, adopt a child and then invite your same-sex partner to live with you. Inconvenient, true. But if you're dedicated to becoming a father or mother it could be done. It's another example of separate but (not) equal.

So, this new bill would propose that biological parents can choose who can adopt their child, whether they're cohabiting or not. Of course it didn't pass. It would effectively be a loop-hole to Utah's backwards adoption rules. But logically, it should have passed. Lately our legislature has been trumpeting their horn about less government, less intrusive government and parental rights. But it seems that in an issue like this, the government believes it should be able to tell biological parents whom they can allow their children to be cared for by and the future of those children. I could believe that perhaps orphans would be held to this double standard because they're "wards of the state". But stepping on parental rights?

A quote from the comment section of this article: "Utah law prohibits anyone who is living in an unmarried, cohabiting relationship from adopting or fostering children." And yet there is no law on the planet that can keep unmarried, cohabiting individuals from actually having children, so the law is ridiculous. And why shouldn't gay and lesbian people have the same right as straight people to endure a nasty custody battle if things don't work out?

I guess it goes to show that homophobia trumps Republican/Tea Party ideals of small and unobtrusive government. Hypocritical? Yes!

Change and Promises

2010-12-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

Do you remember this last presidential election? Presidential hopeful Obama ran on a campaign ideal of change. He gave people hope that our government could change and our nation could become better. We were unhappy with how things were running. He inspired a lot of people.

I felt pragmatic (some may say cynical). I remember commenting that either candidate wouldn't be able to fix all of our country's problems or even the major ones. No one man or administration can do that. But I think most people who voted for President Obama believed that somehow he could. That hope was unrealistic.

Time passed. He didn't make the progress that people thought he should. Change didn't come fast enough. People became jaded and lost hope. So everyone started blaming the Obama administration for everything.

Well, I hope people remember today. The Senate has voted to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell. President Obama kept his promise. And this isn't a small thing at all. Our servicemen and -women will not have to give up their integrity in order to serve our nation. All citizens of the United States deserve equality, but especially those who would give their lives to defend it.

I have hope. I have hope that this change will reverberate throughout our nation. Let everyone know that gay men and women have achieved another large step on the quest for equality.

PS - I didn't vote for Obama. But I believe in him.

Retailers Drawing Line on Returns

2010-11-04T01:26:00.000-06:00

Retailers Drawing the Line on Returns

So I just read this article on retail stores and emerging policies on returns. I'll start by saying I hate returns. I take them back all day, every day. Places I've worked had rules and policies for returns. When I first started in retail, I followed them to a 't'. Then I found out that most of the management broke the rules constantly. I changed my policies to be more in line with theirs. Unless you've worked retail, you don't realize how much returns hurt the company and the consumer.

Think about it. How do you know the product you purchased has been used previously? Did a previous customer return the microwave because it shorted out but made it look nice and clean? Did a woman wear the sweater you're buying and stain it with something that only be seen by black light? Can you tell? No? Neither can the employees at the store you're purchasing it from. So it goes back out on the shelf (nearly) as good as new. This happens at every single store and every single chain in retail.

The article talks about preventing 'return fraud'. It happens all the time. Dishonest people will change tags on product, shoplift product and then return it for an in store credit, or many other creative way of thievery. All of it is loss and means the various retail stores have to charge more for the product. Theft drives prices up.

I could go on and on about this. But I need to head to bed. If you're even contemplating returning a product when you buy it, do one of two things: 1) Don't buy it. If you're questioning the purchase maybe you should wait till you need it. We're living in hard times. Or 2) keep the receipt and the tags for the product. Ask the cashier what the return policy on the product is. Then if you exceed the time period or the rules, don't think you're special and should have an exemption. Just accept that you are past the limit on the return and live with it. After all, you don't know where that return will end up.

Family is Pretty Sweet

2010-10-29T00:58:00.000-06:00

So, I have a pretty cool family. Yes, my mom and dad and siblings and in-laws are really cool. But this time I'm talking about a cousin of mine. I chatted with one of my cousins on facebook yesterday. This is a cousin from my dad's side, which I don't know as well. We'd visit his family in Salt Lake every once in awhile. But since becoming an adult I haven't seen him in years. As such, we were never very close.

But yesterday we had a regular chat--how're you doing, how's life and work--you know the bit. You've had those conversations with acquaintances and relatives you don't know that well. And I appreciate that. But he went the extra mile. He invited Aaron and I over to play Killer Bunnies. He said that they still needed to meet Aaron.

Do you know how that makes me feel? So good! I feel validated, loved and equal. I can't thank him enough. My nuclear family is awesome but I'm finding that my extended family is equally awesome.

If you have gay relatives or friends please ask them about their partners/boyfriends/girlfriends/etc. Do and ask the same things that you would if they had a heterosexual relationship. It'll make their day or maybe even more!

A Straight Ally's Thoughts

2010-10-24T12:15:00.000-06:00

So, I'd like to take a moment to introduce a friend of mine. Brad Carmack and I used to be in the same student ward at BYU. It wasn't until recently that I knew that he was an ally for equality. I've read many of his blog posts and was surprised to see his points of view. It's not often you read a straight man's empathetic views on homosexuality, especially if he's an upstanding LDS fellow. I thought I would share his thoughts on here and repost it.

Thank you.

Scott

==============================

Title: Homosexuality: A Straight BYU Student’s Perspective

1) President Packer’s general conference talk

2) The recent rash of suicides by gay teens across the country, accompanying “It Gets Better Project,” and current suffering of my homosexually oriented brothers and sisters

3) My coauthor, from whom I have received much help and inspiration, wants it out sooner than later

These are the reasons why I am releasing my book now. I preferred to wait until Homosexuality: A Straight BYU Student’s Perspective was groomed and edited further; however, it is not my book alone. Heavenly Father helped me write it, and I believe He would have me release it rather than keep it on my hard drive while I spend months making minor improvements. This book is destined to relieve some of the suffering of my homosexual brothers and sisters, though I don’t yet know by how much. Stuart Matis, shortly before committing suicide on the steps of an LDS chapel on February 25, 2000 in Los Altos, California, wrote to his family: “Perhaps my death ... might become the catalyst for much good. I'm sure that you will now be strengthened in your resolve to teach the members and the leaders regarding the true nature of homosexuality. My life was actually killed many years ago. Your actions might help to save many young people's lives."

So here it is- my 165-page magnum opus to date, in raw .docx and .pdf form (google doc: https://docs.google.com/leaf?id=0B1u3K43P-3JoYTUzNjYwMGEtNzNmYi00ODkwLTllMzYtNjRlOTVlMWUwYTM2&hl=en

Non gmail users, in .pdf only:

http://rapidshare.com/files/426861209/Homosexuality_A_Straight_BYU_Student_s_Perspective_Draft_2.pdf). I invite your feedback as I’m still in the later editing stage. Summary of the book below.

My promise to the open-minded reader is that you will be touched, you will learn things you had never considered, and your views on same-sex marriage and homosexuality in the LDS church will likely change voluntarily.

-Bradley Carmack

Summary: The book has two parts: 1) homosexuality (chapters 1-3) and 2) same-sex marriage (chapters 4-7).

In chapter 1, I argue that church members should have great compassion for homosexually oriented members of the church because of the personal difficulties they experience as a result of their orientation and how the Mormon community typically responds to that orientation. I quote a number of studies and give voice to the experiences of many LDS homosexually oriented people.

In chapter 2, I explore causation, detailing both the religious voice and the scientific consensus. Elder Oaks noted how appropriate this type of an inquiry is: "The Church does not have a position on the causes of any of these susceptibilities or inclinations, including those related to same-gender attraction. Those are scientific questions — whether nature or nurture — those are things the Church doesn’t have a position on." I detail 60 statements by church leaders on what causes homosexuality. On the scientific side, I discuss 32 separate subjects to juxtapose two opposing hypotheses for the causation of homosexual orientation: 1) biological factors such as genes and pre-natal hormones, and 2) factors such as infection, molestation, and choice. Some examples of the evidence addressed: homosexual men have, on average, measurably and significantly different ratios of the second to fourth digit of their hands than their heterosexual counterparts. The anterior commissure of their brains is gender shifted away from the heterosexual male norm and toward the heterosexual female norm. Their limb:trunk ratio is similarly gender-shifted, as is their performance on visio-spatial tasks, third interstitial nucleus (a region of the brain thought to be directive of male-type sexual behavior) size and density, left:right brain hemisphere ratio, brain response to sex pheromones, cochlear sound production, thalamic response to female faces, verbal abilities, physical aggressiveness, expressiveness, and childhood gender conformity to name just a few.

In chapter 3 I examine how changeable sexual orientation is by considering relevant church doctrines and looking at the empirical evidence on both sides.

In chapter 4 I show why homosexuals can reproduce, contrary to popular belief, and note that they are no different from inherently infertile heterosexual couples as to their reproductive capacity.

In chapter 5 I argue why, assuming for a moment that homosexual behavior is not sinful, it makes a lot of moral sense to support LDS same-sex marriage. For instance, I show how important family is to mortal experience and point out that celibacy does not provide a family experience, while same-sex marriage does.

Chapter 6 contains rebuttals to common anti- same-sex marriage arguments, many of which are deeply flawed.

Chapter 7 applies Elder Oaks's recent speech on the Constitution. Many church members have said that Judge Walker should not have heard the Perry v. Schwarzenegger (Prop 8) case, but instead should have let the voice of the people of California decide the matter. I show why this view is antithetical to our constitutional system of governance.

In closing, I explain my motivations for writing and make invitations to the reader.

____________________________________________________

Bio:

Brad Carmack is in his last year of the JD/MPA program at BYU. He majored in Biology, performed clerk assignments for Justice Joel Horton of the Idaho Supreme Court, and is currently a teacher’s assistant for Human Resources Law and Bioethics. Brad also regularly participates in USGA [Understanding Same Gender Attraction], an unsponsored BYU student talk group.

Le Sigh

2010-09-24T23:59:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't written much in my blog lately. I apologize. Lately it seems I've just been working, sleeping and then repeating. It's nearly October however. I need to find some social energy. There are Halloween parties and activities to plan and decorating the house as well. On my walk home from work, I'm already seeing homes decorated for the holiday. It really makes me smile! This year I want to decorate the walk up our house. I love Halloween!

Things to Know About Retail

2010-08-23T14:22:00.001-06:00

1.You've all been frustrated by shopping carts that just won't separate from the one in front of it. No matter hard you push or pull, it won't come apart. So eventually you give up and try another or go for a shopping basket. Well, you're not alone. But after hauling those carts in a thousand times, I've learned how easy it to separate them. I wish I had a diagram, but I'll describe it as best I can.


The insanity!

Underneath the handle is the part of the shopping cart that moves inward and upward to allow the carts to stack. I'll call this the door. The door is what is keeping you from getting your cart. The door of the cart in front of the one you want is stuck on your cart. So if you just lift the door on that cart and pull on the front one, it will come unstuck easily.

2.When you return something to the service desk of the store, the clerk there will probably ask you, "Is there anything wrong with it?" In most cases, this isn't because he won't take the product back if it is damaged. What he means is, "Can I put this back on the shelf or does it need to be returned to the manufacturer?" So many customers try to conceal what's wrong with product probably because of this fear. So inoperable merchandise ends up back on the floor and some other customer purchases it. So be honest and let them know if there are any flaws or problems.

3. When you do return something because it's broken one of three things will probably happen to it. All three are determined by the manufacturer. The manufacturer may ask the retailer to: send back the product and it will be repackaged and resold, they may get parts from the broken merchandise, or they may ask the retailer to destroy the product.

Recently, in the news there has been upheaval because people found out companies were destroying perfectly good or slightly used merchandise and throwing it away. "It could be given to the homeless!" they cried. It does seem wasteful to throw it away. First, it isn't the store that comes up with the policy. It's the manufacturer. It isn't cost productive for them to send back/resell certain products, so they're destroyed. Second, it can open up a whole bottle of dishonesty. An employee or customer could purposefully harm a product in hopes of getting a discounted price. (Trust me, it gets tried all the time.) So next time you want to return a product, think what may happen to it.

4. This point is more controversial. Many times customers will approach an employee and ask if they can do something that is against policy. The customer may not know it's against the rules when they ask. Hopefully the employee explains with respect that he cannot do it. But invariably no matter how it is explained to the customer, they may get mad and say, "Fine, I'll just take my business elsewhere!"

I laugh internally whenever I hear this. Truth of the matter is, the average employee doesn't care. They aren't paid on commission. If you find a better product, price, or service at another business, by all means you should go there! Customers expect employees to have strong loyalty to their employer. Very few people in chain retail have loyalty to their company. For most, it's a temporary job. For others, they would shop around to find the best price, so why would they expect another customer to do different? Even CEOs leave companies when they're going under for better prospects. Don't use that threat against an associate, it holds no weight.

Anniversary!

2010-08-04T18:20:00.000-06:00

Today, I am proud to say is Aaron's and I five year anniversary! It makes me smile just saying it. :) It simultaneously feels like so much longer and so much shorter than that. Way back when I wasn't ready for a relationship. I wasn't out to hardly anyone including my family and most of my friends. I was going to BYU in fact. But Aaron and I connected. He had moved down from Oregon to find a nice returned missionary to settle down with. I'm proud it was me!

Those of you who know Aaron, know how sweet and giving he is. He always puts other people and their needs ahead of his own. He has a wonderful sense of humor and an infectious laugh. He is very hardworking as well. Let me say, relationships are *hard* work. It takes adjustments, forgiveness, empathy and sympathy and just a desire to put the other person's needs before your own. All of that doesn't come right at the start either. It is a process.

I am so very happy to have shared these five years with him and even happier to share many, many more.

Worst Day Ever

2010-07-13T20:16:00.000-06:00

Today was the worst day I've ever had at my job. I'm not going to go into great detail. But it boils down to an exploding fry sauce bottle and customers swearing, cursing and otherwise threatening me. Wow. I did have to laugh after I was covered with fry sauce. I got a co-worker to take a picture with my phone. It didn't turn out that great, but you'll get the idea. My pants are closer to the same color, but they have about 5x as much fry sauce on them as my shirt.

*Deep sigh* I am glad today is over!

Arches National Park

2010-06-25T09:54:00.000-06:00

Aaron and I went to Arches National Park for two days. Aaron had never been. It was in the upper 90s and the sun beat down on us. Aaron got a little burned but it was so much fun! I have a goal to show him all five of Utah's National Parks. Two down and three to go!

Sometimes Immediately

2010-05-29T07:52:00.000-06:00

I love prayer. I love it because it instantly puts me in touch with Heavenly Father. I can ask or say whatever I like or need to in my prayers and I can say them whenever, as well.

Yesterday, my day at work was "forecast" for a bad day. I was assigned to be a cashier for the seven hours of my shift. This rarely happens and it's always a bad day when it does. As I was walking down the stairs of work to begin my shift, I said a quick prayer. I asked Heavenly Father to help my day go by quickly and if He could help me have a good attitude. I wanted to smile that day. That was it.

When I entered the service desk area, my supervisor said, "Congratulations!" I thought, "What for? Because I'm a cashier today?" She continued, "You're Employee of the Month!" I'm sure my face changed right then. I was beaming! To make it better, almost every employee that day congratulated me when they saw me. Many of them told me why they think I deserve it too.

It made a huge difference! My day went by quickly and I felt appreciated. On my way home, I said another prayer. It was full of thankfuls and my happiness for having a Heavenly Father that answers little prayers and sometimes immediately.

Goings-on and the zoo

2010-05-13T00:14:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. I haven't had writer's block, but I haven't had anything I considered interesting to write about. But as I was sitting here watching Aaron play Dragon Age I thought of something to write about.

I've written about The Escape once about a year ago. Since then I've become President of the group. It wasn't a big change. Jeromy and I had planned activities for five years. So many months of the year have set activities. I was sad to see Jeromy leave his leadership of the group. But I understood his reasons for leaving.

May is one of those months with an annual activity. Any of you that are friends with me on facebook, or members of the group on Yahoo or facebook already know. But this Saturday we're going to Hogle Zoo for The Escape's Annual Gay Day at Hogle Zoo. Wow, that was a mouthful. This is activity is my baby. QSaltLake hosts gay day at Lagoon annually. I want Gay Day at Hogle Zoo to be large enough that it would go on even if I didn't go. I want it to be The Escape's and my legacy. Facebook has been a really good tool to make that happen. Right now we have nearly 150 people planning on going. It would make me immensely happy to go to Hogle on Saturday and see a sea of red shirts.

I don't think we're there yet. But with time we could achieve that dream.

Easter and Warm Weather!

2010-04-06T19:55:00.000-06:00

Aaron, Dan, Erich and I took a trip down to Phoenix and Mesa, Arizona to see the Easter pageant. We had a *lot* of fun. That fun included: hot tubbing, swimming, catching some rays, singing to Lady Gaga and Glee, watching amazing fountains, gay country dancing, eating pizza and watching a one-man-orchestra, seeing the Easter Pageant, mini-golf, hiking in the desert, seeing a good friend, eating at buffets, and (unfortunately) driving in a blizzard. And wow, there was a lot more too! Check out my facebook pics. You know, if I *had* to move, I'd move to Phoenix. It's a beautiful city!

Stand Your Ground

2010-03-03T13:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had one of the most awkward experiences of my adult life. But before I share, I'll say it was awkward, but not embarrassing. My face didn't flush and I didn't feel apologetic in the least. But awkward... Yes!

At work, we had a small rush of customers. So I got on a register and started to ring people up. The first woman in my line had been to the service desk a few minutes earlier to return some allergy medication. She looked hopped up on it too.

I began to ring up her products. She noticed my ring and said, "Is that a CTR ring?" Which it is and in Romanian. I get comments on it often, so I'm used to it. This is where it gets very odd. Then the woman paused and said, "No offense, but aren't you gay?"

If this had happened a couple years ago, I would have been embarrassed and denied it. But I'm a different man since then. I replied that yes, I am. She started to go off, "How can you be gay and Mormon? How can you believe in what they say about you? Are you really gay?" I told her that I have had a boyfriend for five years, so yes, I am gay. And I do believe in the Church. "That's awful!" was her retort. The conversation continued in this line.

This whole time there is a guy behind her, waiting to be checked out. There is a cashier next to me (that I wasn't out to) and her customers. As well, the service desk person behind me. So I'm the center of attention. But surprisingly, I wasn't embarrassed.

I know that what she did was harassment and I didn't have to put up with it. I could have said, right off the bat, "Sorry ma'am, but that is none of your business." And it wasn't! But as unlikely as it was to happen, I wanted to stretch her mind. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you hate religion or the LDS Church. Just because you're Mormon doesn't mean you hate gays. There is middle ground. A place of mutual respect.

I do agree that at the checkout stand of a retailer is not the place for this kind of conversation. But I refuse to back down.

So it's odd, being harassed--not for being gay as you'd suspect--but for being religious and gay. It isn't the first time either that I've been the subject of gay/religion harassment either. My manager at "Our Store" in downtown did the same thing because of my CTR ring. I wouldn't be surprised if my being Mormon was the reason I was let go. So odd that this happens in Salt Lake City of all places.

As a side, when I shared this story with my friend Dan, he replied, "How did she know you were gay?" Thank you Dan. That made me feel better. As proud as I am to be gay, I never thought it was that obvious to a passerby. Especially in the short time a checker interacts with a customer.

A CTR ring (It actually says ACD.) shouldn't bring you trouble. Being LDS in Salt Lake City shouldn't bring you trouble. Being a quiet gay shouldn't either. But stir them all together---BLAM! Harassment!

Reminiscing

2010-02-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

An hour ago, Aaron and I went to Trolley Square to leave some flowers. It's the three year anniversary of the shooting there. We didn't see any other flowers or reminders while we were. But the last bullet hole is still there. It's a good reminder of what happened and I hope it's never repaired. My thoughts go out to those whose lives were changed by that event.

Trolley Square seemed more lively than on our last visit. There are still a lot of holes of unfilled stores. Sharper Image is one of those holes. I wonder if there is more foot traffic. It was busy tonight but that could be because it's Friday night before Valentine's Day and there is a fund raiser going on too. The fund raiser is for victims of the Haiti quake, but it was created by one of the survivors of the shooting.

I'm glad we have the yearly reminder to treasure those close to us and be thankful when God spares our lives.

Wishes

2010-02-08T20:42:00.001-07:00

I wish it were spring. Actually I wish it were summer, but I realize spring must happen first, so I'll settle for that. It's the sunny days we've been having. The air is still a little brisk. And there are clumps of snow everywhere. But blue skies, sunlight in the morning, and longer days have me wishing dark, dreary winter were gone. That's why I changed my blog to look a little more spring-winter transitioned. I normally rename my blog to fit, but "Big Red Not-Really-Spring Hammer" didn't sound good.

To let you know how much I wish it were summer, I have already put up a "Countdown Till Pride" countdown calendar on my facebook profile. So you're informed, we have 115 days. I feel gypped from last year's Pride. It poured on our parade. And then I caught H1N1 and spent the next few days in a dark room feeling awful. I didn't get to do most of the fun things I wanted to. I hope this year will be different.

I also wish our home teachers would have made an appointment. I didn't hear anything from them in January. I really had my hopes up too. But maybe some other time.

I also need to sit down and write my parents a letter or e-mail to let them know how much I appreciated their love and support for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They treated Aaron and I very well. I'm sure it must have been hard for them. But I was touched.

Enough of my ramblings. I hope you're having a great week!

Grin It's done!

2010-01-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

I just had a conversation on the phone with my sister. Yesterday while we were at Church, waiting for sacrament to begin, she asked, "Are you gay?" I was not expecting that! I didn't give her an answer and said I didn't want to talk about it there.

Well, we just had the coming out conversation. It was very easy! She assured me that she still loved me. They had already guessed about Aaron. She asked how long we had been together and was surprised by the answer. In August we will have been together five years! I heard my fourteen-year-old nephew in the background say, "I bet they'll get married." *grin*

It's finally complete! How quickly I achieve my New Year's resolution!

She's Baaaaaack!

2010-01-16T22:06:00.000-07:00

Cindy Sheehan is back in the news. For those of you who don't remember, back in 2005 she protested in front of then-President Bush's home. She's an anti-war protester who lost her son in Iraq in 2004. She used part of the insurance money to start her protesting. I covered her rants and her ensuing personal problems here.

"Out of everything, that hurt me the most," she explained. "After 31 years of being in the family, I thought they would support me. They totally disowned me and chose George Bush over murder."

I will disagree over her terminology. Her family chose their family over her disunity. She chose something that is temporary over something with infinite potential. The war will end. It will end whether Cindy is screaming her complaints, or if she goes to Iraq and fights herself. And when it does, Cindy will be left without a cause. Oh, but I don't underestimate her... I'm sure she'll find some new cause to tranfer all her hate and rhetoric to. Afterall, she doesn't have a family anymore. What can she do?

The ironic part to me now, is that she is not protesting the war. She is protesting the use of unmanned drones to attack al Qaida and Taliban targets. So... if drones are "cowardly" and "immoral", then I guess she prefers we put our sons and daughters in harms way when it can be avoided all together.

Did I call it or what?

Hometeachers?

2009-12-31T12:01:00.001-07:00

Aaron and I have been together for five years in August 2010. Time really does pass quickly. But Aaron and I have fit in so much. We have traditions now. Mid-2010 we'll have lived together for five years. We've been in our same apartment close to Liberty Park the whole time. We love it here too.

In that four years, we've been to Church together maybe 3-4 times. Truthfully, I think we miss it. I missed singing the Christmas hymns this season. I don't miss Priesthood lessons however. (Even in a student ward, they were boring.) I also don't miss fasting as I get really cranky when I'm hungry. We both were upset during the Prop 8 fiasco. It felt like a slap in the face. But we didn't get bitter. We still love the Church.

So yesterday evening the doorbell rang. I answered it and there was an attractive, about my age guy standing there, smiling. He asked, "Scott?" I figured it was either a friend of our neighbors (who are also gay) or maybe some wayward Escape member. As it turned out, it was our newly assigned hometeacher!

I was surprised. As I said, we've been here for over three years and never had a hometeacher come visit. I know my records are here because I get a Christmas card from the bishopric every year. Either my parents had them sent here, my old student ward, or the fact I have a Liahona subscription did it. Either way, there he was. He said that he was kind of new to the ward and he hadn't seen me there. I told him part of the truth. That being that I work many Sundays and haven't been there. He invited me to come. It was a little awkward to say the least. I wanted to invite him in, but I had the vibe that he didn't have the time. His wife had also made a treat which he gave to me. He also looked up my records and they didn't have my phone number, so I gave it to him. His partner wasn't available, but they wanted to give me a call and set up an appointment next month. Which I welcome. We said our goodbyes.

Now, being the analytical person I am, I started thinking about it. I'm going to guess that he's a member of the Elder's Quorum Presidency. First of all, they normally give less-actives (especially the ones that have never been seen) to a member of the presidency. Second, he had that ambitious feeling. The kind where when a person moves into your ward and they have it, you give them an ambitious calling because you know they'll magnify it.

He seemed very nice and very genuine as well.

But I digress. I'd like your advice. Let me tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to be passive-aggressive and not answer his calls or not answer the door when he comes. I had enough of those on my mission to know how frustrating they are. My first instinct is once we've built a relationship of trust, that I will come out to him and be upfront about who I am. I am gay. I am inactive. I do love the Church. I do have a testimony. I do like having hometeachers (if that is the case). But I am unsure of my place in our religion.

I think the honesty will pay off. The Holy Ghost loves honesty and will reward us for it, I think. I guess if they're uncomfortable or disapprove then they just won't come. But I intend on being a gracious host either way. I they might actually like coming to our home. Aaron and I are used to having people over. We're funny, fun, and have a good time. I'd even invite the hometeachers for game nights if they'd come.

What do you think? What have your experiences been?

Post-Christmas Wrap Up

2009-12-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

A blessing. That is exactly the word I'd use to describe it. I expected Christmas this year to run smoothly, but in a moderate and small way. After all, you take small steps to make progress. I was surprised however.

Aaron had to work on Christmas Day. So we planned around it. He wouldn't be able to visit my brother's family in Logan that day, so we planned around it. We visited Paul & co. on Christmas eve. We went out to dinner with them and then went to their home to open gifts and play games. Aaron, Paul, Jade and the boys get along really well. I can see Aaron being himself with them and it makes me happy.

We were there till 11:30ish. When we arrived home, I needed to wrap all of my presents. With work, it was the only time I had to do it. I think we were up till 2:30 AM wrapping. I'd been exhausted all week from work. Retail is hell during Christmas. We both collapsed in bed after that.

We needed to arrive at my parents' home at 8 AM, so we didn't get much sleep that night. But we got up in time to exchange gifts with each other. Even thinking back on it now, it makes me beam. Aaron and I have been together for four years now, going on five. This was our first Christmas together. Having Christmas morning together is what couples do. I really felt closer to him for it.

So we arrived a little past eight and we exchanged gifts with my parents. A few days earlier, my mom had asked what she should get Aaron for Christmas. It really warmed my heart when she said that. Aaron and I put both our names on all of the gifts we gave. But later, after Aaron had left, I let my mom know which ones he had picked out. She was touched too.

My sister and her family normally come around 9 and we have a big breakfast together. Then we exchange gifts with them. Aaron and I planned on him leaving before she got there. That way there wouldn't be any uncomfortableness. (I'm not out to my sister and her family yet.) I told my mom this and she said, that no, they planned on Aaron spending as much time as possible until he had to leave for work.

I really did receive a lot of blessings this Christmas. We were both dead tired, it's true. But we got to spend the holiday together and with my family. That to me is a miracle. It wasn't uncomfortable or forced. Parents are wonderful things really. When they see the love you have for someone, some of their love transfers to him. I could see that very clearly this holiday.

I couldn't ask for more. (Well, maybe a little more sleep.)

Family Christmas

2009-12-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to my mom the other day about Christmas. She wanted to know our plans and if Aaron and I planned on visiting Christmas day. That probably happens a million times every December to couples all over the world. But it's the first time it has happened to me. I love my family. I came out to my brother and then my parents a year ago mid-November. So now, thirteen months later, Aaron is becoming part of the family. He and a couple of my friends joined us for my family's Thanksgiving dinner in Logan. Now Aaron and I may be visiting my parents on Christmas day just like my other siblings.

I say "may" because due to some scheduling conflicts, Aaron and I may be hosting our family's Christmas dinner! If so, then my family would be coming to our home to visit! To me, this is a miracle. A true miracle. After years of keeping them at a distance and being closeted, I have opened up to my family and they have reciprocated ten-fold. I am proud to be a Guymon.

I'm proud of Aaron too. I know that he's wary of this. He is very concerned that he will make my family uncomfortable. More than anything, he doesn't want that. I remind him that whenever they give the invitation, we need to have the courage to take it. Aaron has been there for me. Nearly four years of having to deal with me skirting around my family, "straightening up" (pun intended) the house when my parents visited and basically having a limit on how we could progress as a family has ended.

I am blessed.

I am so glad I listened to the Holy Ghost when I was prompted to prepare to come out to my family. I've said it before, but I'll repeat it. The Holy Ghost is a spirit of truth and honesty. He is present when we speak and share the truth. When you get the feeling you should come out to someone, that is the Holy Ghost prompting you to do so. He wants you to eliminate the dishonesty in your life. I have a testimony that coming out the closet to your family will bless you. I don't believe that just because it's been good to me. Heavenly Father doesn't want you to go through life alone. Our families, our spouses and our friends are supposed to be our support. Give them that opportunity. God will bless you.

This is shaping up to be my best Christmas.

Status Quo

2009-12-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

Many people have blogged on the subject of the Church supporting gay protection statues, so I won't go on length about it. I do have a few words to add. I've heard many voices from the gay side. Most are afraid of trusting the Church. They think this is to reverse the public's opinion of the Church, or to prepare us for a future action. I think that's mostly because once you've lost trust, it's very hard to gain again. Trust is harder to earn than love for sure. But it isn't their reaction that I want to talk about.

I don't know the Church's motivation in supporting those statues. I hope it's for altruistic reasons and I'll continue believing that until proven otherwise. But it's had one good effect besides actually protecting GLBT people. It has mixed up the status quo! Legislators and other conservative influences often try to out-church the Church. The Eagle Forum and the Sutherland Institute are both aghast at the Church's "new" stance. Those two organizations have been leeching their power from the Church. They claimed their stance was the LDS stance and gained many followers that way. Now their paths have diverged and it's made those organizations angry.

This has also been good for the membership of the Church. Many of them used the Church as an excuse for why gay men and women should have no rights. Their religion allowed them a air-tight reason to hate or discriminate against gays. This latest action will hopefully allow those people to rethink their bias. Senator Buttars changed and that by itself is a miracle.

So, no matter the reason for this change, I say we look at it as a step in the right direction. It can help Utahns and members of the Church to love and accept their gay brothers and sisters.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-27T12:56:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I had an event that was a first in my life. Traditionally my family gets together for Thanksgiving. The past years we've met in Logan with my brother's family. Aaron and my friends would celebrate the holiday at our place while I was with my family. This year, Aaron, myself and two other friends attended Thanksgiving with my family. This is the first holiday Aaron has ever shared with my family. It was wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better time! My nephews (all nearly teenagers) love Aaron, as do my brother and sister-in-law. My friends and he fit in very well. My sister and her family were there too. They don't know that I'm gay. So we did have to "straighten up" some. I think that was really easy. We had incredible food and a great time.

I consider myself very blessed that I have a family that loves me unconditionally and loves those I hold close the same. It's a process of course. But I never would have guessed it would progress so quickly. My heart is warm. I am proud of Aaron. Leading up to this was a little stressful for him. He is so concerned with making sure my family isn't uncomfortable around him. Bless him.

I am also thankful that I have a job and I did not have to work Black Friday morning. I work 2-11:30PM today. It's a long shift, but it's not the craziness of this morning.

My word cloud!

2009-11-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

Choices!

2009-10-28T12:50:00.006-06:00

I don't normally use my blog to help me make decisions. I have a difficult decision ahead of me and I'm still torn on what to do. I may have to make the choice in a couple hours.

So a little background. Circuit City went out of business in March and I've been without a job since then. I have applied to so many jobs, I can't even keep track. Being on unemployment allowed me time and I'm very thankful for it. But it has run out and I must have a job.

So last week ShopKo responded to application. I had an interview with a manager and it was all right. The interview was very impersonal. He asked maybe eight "If you were in this situation" questions. I answered them easily. Then yesterday I had my second interview with the manager of the store. He was nice and friendly. We talked about available positions. CSS (customer service?) and supervisor were suggested by the first interviewer. The store manager basically picked CSS for me. The position is part time and seasonal and only $8.25/hr. I accepted the job and they said I'll probably come in on Friday.

I also got a phone call from an unknown number and remarked to Aaron and Dan that "I bet you this is another job offer. They always come in at least twos." I answered and it was PC Laptops. For those who don't know, PC Laptops is a computer and repair store with about seven locations in Utah and Nevada.

So after my final interview at ShopKo I went to an interview at PC Laptops which turned into two interviews. Both went rather well. So today I have the third part of the hiring process, "The Test". I'll be at their Murray store for two hours today. They'll get a feel for me and I for them. My first interviewer should be there. I think he's the district manager or higher. The second interviewer told me a little about it. He said, "We'll see if you greet the customers or if you hang out at the back of the store. Or if you answer the phones." I'm not worried about greeting customers at all. I did that all the time at Sharper Image. I'm more worried about what I do when there's nothing for me to do. It's been recommended that I have someone show me the computers and teach me about them. *deep breath*.

So I'm nervous. But that's just part of it. PC Laptops is partially commission. I've never worked in an commission atmosphere. If I make the goal (which I have no idea how achievable it is) I'll make pretty good money. Base pay is only a quarter less than ShopKo is. PC Laptops is also full-time. I don't know which job to take!

I figured it out this morning. PC Laptops intimidates me. ShopKo only needs mediocrity. I'll shine easily there. PCL demands a lot more and it demands things I have only some experience in. If I take the safe job, I'll barely have enough money to pay the bills.

Grr. I wish the choices were easier to make. The positive side is that either way I have a job!

=====

So more news. PC Laptops called today. They chose someone else for the job. *sigh* So I guess that makes my choice easy. I'll settle with mediocrity at ShopKo. I have orientation tomorrow morning. This means cutting back big time. It's only temporary and part-time and the pay is the lowest I've ever been paid since returning home from my mission. I had hoped by getting the PCL job, I'd get rid of our money woes. No such luck. I am very disappointed and down.

Where are you in your journey?

2009-10-21T14:51:00.007-06:00

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound
--Beyonce

A friend of a blogger friend suggested this theme for October. I have a lot to be thankful for lately and I think this would be a great way to share that.

How did you get to where you are today?
Often in our lives the important things aren't events but processes. I can't remember when I gained a testimony of our Savior or of the Church. I can't say when I started considering myself an adult and no longer a young adult. Likewise there wasn't a point when I knew I was gay. Growing up I could feel attraction to other males here and there. It wasn't anything big or distracting. I remember being at the barbershop on the military base getting my hair cut. I was about eight years old. A guy came in and sat waiting for his haircut. I couldn't look away, I found him fascinating and attractive.

In high school I only went on two dates. For one I was asked to a prom because the girl's boyfriend was grounded. I asked one girl to another prom because my friends wanted to go on a group date. I picked her mostly because both of our parents thought we'd be a good match. I only had close male friends and a few female classroom friends.

Even while on my mission (19-21 years old) I was proud of myself because I didn't have to worry about women distracting me from the Lord's work. I didn't understand why other elders couldn't just leave their girlfriends at home. Looking back, it was apparent why. But when all you have is your perspective it's hard to compare yourself to others. I didn't know that I was different from any other guy.

At BYU I dated two women seriously. One wanted to get married. I prayed about it many times and the Holy Ghost would only respond, "Wait." I am so glad I listened! Sometime after that relationship I started to make my first gay friends. The Escape was a great group for me. The men didn't drink and had LDS backgrounds. I went through the turmoil of living two lives. My BYU friends will remember my "other friends" that I would go hang out with. I had to lie to friends and family all the time. The pain and difficulty of that situation dulled after time. I became a good liar.

I dated one guy for awhile. Then I found Aaron. We hit it off right from the bat. We had chemistry and so much in common. I thought he was the cutest person I ever knew. (I still do!) I was hesitant to date him exclusively. I thought being in an exclusive relationship was a bad idea. It would make leaving homosexuality behind so much harder. But my heart was already linked to him. I cared about him and he about me. As Aaron tells the story, we were at a party. I saw him flirting with another guy and I came over. I proclaimed that Aaron was my boyfriend to everyone. Jealousy! Aaron and I have been together for four years now. We've gone through our difficulties but we love each other even more. We really are a perfect match.

Are you happy with where you are? why or why not?
Yes! Someone told me that you know you're in love when he makes you want to be a better person. Loving Aaron allows me to put his needs above mine. Living a double life--as a side effect--makes you a much more selfish person. You don't let people get close because they'll discover the lies. I became a very selfish man. The love and honesty we share helps me put that behind us.

Thanks to following a prompting, I came out to my brother almost a year ago. Following the same prompting I came out to my parents two weeks later. I have become closer to my brother and his wife than I ever was before. Their oldest stayed with us for two months this summer. About two weeks ago, my mother invited Aaron into my parents' home for the first time. It wasn't for long but it was a big step! I can see that my family is changing their ideas. It makes me emotional to see Aaron and them forging friendships and more. There are exciting things on the horizon.

Where do you see yourself in the future?
Aaron and I will still be together and strong. We'll continue to gather friends around us, both straight and gay. I hope we can be an example of healthy and happy gay relationships. We'll be example of the fun you can have without alcohol or drugs. I see Aaron forging familial relationships with my family. My family will become our family. I see myself rebuilding the trust and closeness with my family I had before with Aaron at my side. This next part is maybe fanciful, but it came to mind. My patriarchal blessing says that I will serve another mission as older couple. If that ever becomes possible, Aaron and I are definitely in line!

What roadblocks do you have and/or have overcome?
I am always afraid of rejection. That fear kept me from telling those closest to me about the turmoil I had inside. I thought my straight friends wouldn't want to be near me. I thought my family would be angry. I thought I wouldn't get to see my nephews again. They may have hesitation, but I think they can see that I'm happy.

I have overcome the need to rely on lies and deceit. Honesty takes a heavy load off of your shoulders. It allows you to become an integrated and whole person. Honesty tears down the invisible walls between you and your loved ones. Coming out to your family seems huge and daunting. It will probably be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But it won't be as hard as you think. The Holy Ghost loves honesty and truth. It will accompany you as you increase your honesty.

I have a theory called the Four Sins of Gaydom. Bitterness and Stagnation are two of them I keep at bay. I do not want to hate people or organizations. I was in a rut for many years. It is easy to sit still and let the world pass you by. These are roadblocks I see slowing me down in the future.

What advice do you have for others following a similar path that you have?
Friends. Find good friends. Find friends that meet your values. If you're gay it doesn't mean you need to let all your morals go. You don't need to drink to have fun. Find those people who feel the same way you do. The internet is a great source. This is a plug, but check out The Escape.

Family. There may be times where it seems you have no one. You will have times where you are lonely. If you have been honest and open with your family they can be your best friends. There are those who hesitate to come out to parents, siblings, spouses and others. They fear rejection. At first there may be confusion on their part, but I think their love will still shine through. If you're LDS you know about "attack on the family". Keeping yourself closeted and fearful is helping to tear apart your family. They can be your greatest support and help. Take the leap!

Yourself. With time you can accept you as you are. Heavenly Father may or may not have made you gay. But he allows you to stay gay. There are reasons for that. I used to think it was a curse I needed to endure or suffer with. Now I look at it as one the biggest blessings in my life. It stands next to other greats as my family, Aaron, friends, the Church, and my testimony. I have learned things that I couldn't have learned any other way.

As Aaron sometimes says, "We're good Mormon boys... except for the gay!" Strip away the guilt and shame and pain that you're giving yourself. Stop worrying yourself sick. Set aside the battle you feel you have to fight. You're fighting your best ally, yourself.

What advice do you have for family and friends?
I am the same person I always was. I think my family already can see this. Now I've entrusted you with another part of my soul. I am happier than I ever have been before. Let's continue to show each other trust and make our family that will last through time.

Give Aaron a chance. He's an incredible guy and I consider myself very lucky to have him. I had great taste in who I loved before and it hasn't changed. He is endearing and easy to love. If given the chance he'll show you.

Other people may judge you for befriending your brother/son's boyfriend. After all, love the sinner, not the sin. Aaron is not a sin. Aaron is a person and someone I love. Even in the Church the family comes first. Don't let people pollute your mind with ideas that would tear our family apart. This isn't something I think will be a problem with my family. But many do struggle with it.

My friends, keep being you. Aaron and I are lucky to have so many friends, both straight and gay. You make us happy people. You've accepted us and helped us out. If we can ever help, don't hesitate to ask. We are a family in our own right. Stand up for each other. If people say things about your friends you know isn't true, say so. Compliment your friends when they aren't around. They'll eventually hear. It's much better than gossip. Love one another.

Conclusion
I am blessed. I see a bright future. I'll be holding Aaron's hand. We'll be smiling.

Etc.

2009-10-19T19:51:00.004-06:00

It's been awhile since I've written on here. I don't have a topic of choice. Right now I'm still unemployed and desperately looking for employment. Not having a job is repetitive to say the least. Every day seems like the one before it. Every employment questionnaire seems like the one before it. In many cases, it was the same as the one before it. I miss having somewhere to go during the day. I miss making new friends with co-workers. I miss having income I can spend. I will have to have a celebration party when I finally land a job.

In other news, I have been made the Captain (commanding officer) of my Star Trek sim. For those of you who don't know, I'm a big fan of Trek. I write collaborative fiction with other fans. It is in story format where each author writes for a character or two. As captain of the sim, I choose the story arcs and try to provide each author with opportunities to write. It's a big deal because now they're dependent on my creativity to keep the sim going. Right now we're in 'shoreleave' where everyone can write about what they like. In about two weeks I'll start my 'internship' with my first mission. If it goes well, I'll graduate from Command School and become a full fledged captain and probably receive the rank of the same name. I've been doing this for about 5 years now. It is a great past-time and my writing skills have improved dramatically.

You can check out some of the information about our sim here: Dorvan V.

My birthday is coming up too. I turn thirty-one in the beginning of November. That month will also be the year mark of when I came out to my brother and sister-in-law and my parents. That reminds me of something. The week before last, my mom invited Aaron inside for the first time ever. Aaron was hesitant. He does not want to make my family feel pressured or uncomfortable. It went very well. We checked out my parents' cruise pictures. This may open up more opportunities. The end goal is having Aaron a full and loved member of my family. I want him to come to Christmas and Thanksgiving and any other important events. He gets along great with my brother and sister-in-law and my (our) nephews. It makes me swell with pride that I have such a phenomenal boyfriend and partner. I know this will lead to other great things!

In the Paper Again

2009-09-17T02:19:00.003-06:00

I just found the Salt Lake Tribune article with my quote in it. You can find the whole article here.

Guymon said he would like to see reform, he's just not sure how much.

"I'm unemployed and there's no way I can afford health insurance," he said. "But I don't know if I want government to take it over. There has to be a happy medium where everyone has access to affordable care."

A Lesson Learned From Being LDS

2009-09-17T00:16:00.004-06:00

Today I read an article about another Presidential controversy. I use the term very lightly too. I don't think this should have even been reported. In a nutshell, President Obama was chatting back and forth with a CNBC interviewer. Kanye West's escapades were brought up and the President said that Kanye is a "jackass". ABC employees overheard the conversation and twittered it, sending it out to the world.

Fine. I think most people would agree with President Obama's opinion.

What bothers me is that people take the opinion seriously. People (maybe just the Media) are aghast that the President would say something like that. Come on!

Being LDS, we learn early on (though it is not always understood) that the Prophet and President of the Church is able to speak as a man, or as a Prophet. Not everything that comes from his mouth is doctrine. If he roots for the Utah Jazz it doesn't mean that it's a sin to hope they lose. If the Prophet enjoys florentine lasagna we shouldn't throw away all of our italian sausage lasagna.

Equally so, the President of the United States may like soccer, hate chocolate ice cream, and think Kanye West is a "jackass". It doesn't matter. He isn't signing a presidential decree. Do people (or the Media) believe he isn't able to share personal opinions? Or maybe it's just grasping at anything "news worthy".

Zion Nat'l Park

2009-09-05T11:55:00.008-06:00

Aaron, Dave and I got back from Zion National Park yesterday afternoon. We had a great time! We stayed at my traditional campsite. My friends and I nicknamed it Hippieville years ago. This was Aaron's first visit to Zion and he thoroughly enjoyed it! We hiked Angel's Landing, the River Walk (2x), and all three of the Emerald Pools. We saw a lot of wildlife. I think they came out because it rained some. The rain was very refreshing. I learned a lot more about the park and its features than on previous visits.

I'm sharing some of the pics here. You can see the rest on my facebook page.

Zion Nat'l Park

2009-09-05T11:27:00.001-06:00

Education

2009-08-19T14:23:00.004-06:00

Right now I'm on the campus of BYU. I'm here for the annual BYU Campus Education Week, put on by CES. Most of you have never heard of the program. Of the few that have, probably none of you have attended. Basically it is 1,000s of classes that cover a variety of subjects. It starts mid-August and is one week long. Most of the topics are religious in nature. This is my fourteenth year to attend. Every year I get a spiritual boost. It is a highlight of my year.

Last year, I was inspired to make some important goals. One of those was coming out to my parents. I've spoken about it before, but having the feeling to come out to someone --I believe-- is a spiritual prompting. One that if you follow, you will receive blessings. I am happy that last November, I followed that prompting I received at Education Week and came out to my brother and his family and then my parents. The blessings I've received from that prompting have continued to enrich my life. My brother and sister-in-law have invited Aaron and I to their home a second time. That is a huge blessing! I know in time Aaron and I will forge the same relationships with my parents.

Last year and this, I felt a hesitation to attend Education Week. Only now do I realize why. The changes I've effected have been positive and life-changing events. There's certainly someone who doesn't want me to make those choices. Feeling the Spirit here helps clarify the journey ahead of me. I wish that Aaron could attend with me. I miss him. I know he would learn a lot here too.

So many gay people are afraid to feel the Spirit. I can't blame them, so often it's often in an atmosphere of judgment. Education Week is like General Conference, only *I* get to choose the speakers and their topics.

PS - Earlier today I ran into a sister I served with on my mission. It was great to catch up in the short time we had. It makes me want to send out an e-mail to all my mission friends catching them up on my life and coming out to them. That way I don't have to ignore the big pink elephant in the room. I won't have to avoid them.

Sigh

2009-08-10T16:11:00.002-06:00

Yesterday my nephew Shane left with his family for home. People often say that you don't realize how much you will miss someone until they're gone. In this case it's different. Aaron and I already knew how difficult it would be to see him go. Over the past two months, we've gotten to know Shane well. He became part of our home and family. We care about him a lot. We even offered to let him stay with us for his senior year.

Perhaps things are best this way. He'll get to spend his senior year with his friends. It's difficult though. I walk past his empty room, or want to play Halo, or paint figures and he isn't here. We'll miss him terribly. But he isn't that far away. My brother has already invited us up to visit and play games.

*sigh*

Conversation

2009-07-23T14:09:00.003-06:00

I had an interesting chat conversation with a best friend of mine. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read or remember I have a blog. If he does, everything I say here is what I would like him to hear.

Chris and I go way back. We first met back at BYU in my freshman year. Both of us have strong personalities and sometimes we don't see eye to eye. But excluding those times, we are eerily similar in our point of view. We spent summers together visiting national parks and camping. We really were inseparable. We had dreams of building homes next to each other and our children calling the other Uncle. Later he married my last girlfriend and now they have two children.

Later, Chris joined the Army to pay for dental school and he moved away. He still has family in Utah so I saw him from time to time. However, I created a distance between us. I had already discovered that I was gay and was meeting new people and making changes in my life. I wasn't ready to come to Chris, but I was tired of lying. So I distanced myself.

Years later, I began to integrate myself and leave the deceit behind me. Chris was one of the first people I came out to. He was in Afghanistan at the time, so it had to be through e-mail. I think it was very hard for him. In a way he felt betrayed. Both by my not being honest with him for so long but by keeping him at a distance.

Last night we chatted for the first time in a year. He asked the same questions he asks every time. How's my job? I don't have one right now. I've been laid off twice. Have I considered going back to BYU and getting my degree? I can't. I'm in a relationship and am not BYU Honor Code compliant. He replied, "Oh, there is that." I mean really!? I get the feeling that Chris only asks the safe questions. That for some reason he is afraid to find out about my life. In a way that hurts. He lives several states away, so I couldn't see him often. But I would like to include him in my life. I guess I should make more effort.

So how has coming out to your religious friends gone? Or if you have had friends come out to you, how did effect your relationship? Is it awkward? Or better because there is more honesty?

Weather!

2009-06-26T20:45:00.002-06:00

I know it isn't logical to be angry at the weather. If you like it or love it, it isn't going to change. That doesn't matter to me right now. I am MAD. Twenty days ago I went to Pride. It rained on our parade. More like poured. I was soaked. I caught swine flu. I didn't go to the Festival because I was too busy simultaneously burning up and shivering with an intense headache.

Then today, we go to the Arts Festival. We didn't get to go last year. We met up with some friends of Aaron's. We ate and watched one art event. Then the rain came. Everything closed up and we left. Parking is atrocious so we had parked blocks away. We got soaked! It was my first outdoor event since Pride. Croquet was rained out too.

Then a little earlier today I invited everyone to watch fireworks with us at Sugarhouse Park for Independence Day. I check the weather and guess what? 40% of rain! Scattered T-showers! I think I'm done planning outdoor activities for the summer. Well, if you can call this summer. I feel like Oregon left its weather here. We'll just go from spring rains to fall rains to snow.

At least I got a few nice photos.

Changes

2009-06-18T02:24:00.003-06:00

I haven't put up a blog post in quite awhile. And here it is nearly 2:30 in the morning and I feel like blogging. I've learned you don't look a blog horse in the mouth.

So one of the biggest changes in my life is taking place right now. My 17-year old nephew is living with Aaron and I for the summer. The circumstances are interesting and if you ask I may tell you. But he'll be living in our spare room till school starts in the fall.

It's taking some adjusting. I don't have a job right now. I'm used to having the house to myself while Aaron is at work. We're working on getting my nephew a job. I'm sure he gets bored here. I know I'm looking through adult (childless) glasses, but how do parents stand having their children home all day all summer? A job takes up to eight hours of the day. What do parents do with their children the rest of the time? There aren't that many "chores" here. We have a two-bedroom apartment. But I don't like the idea of him just watching TV all day or playing on facebook. We're learning.

But I think this is good. It shows immense trust in Aaron and I. How many parents do you know who would send their "impressionable young adult" to go live with their gay sibling and his partner? My brother and his wife are strong LDS people too. I was surprised and complimented. I think this will be a big step towards Aaron becoming a part of my family. He is becoming a true uncle.

This is a big change and I know there will be more adjustments. But I'm glad we made this decision together and I'm excited to see where it leads.

Our First Protest.

2009-05-28T00:02:00.008-06:00

The title of this post sounds like a children's book. Ooh, we'll make it a pop-up book! This was the first ever protest we've participated in. I'm very glad we went. Marriage equality is something I feel strongly about. I love Aaron. I haven't felt like this with any other person. I think I'm a selfish person by nature. But I do my best to put him first and show him my love. I don't know when we'll get "married", but I know it isn't an "if". I really do want to spend my life with him.

Now I don't need the government's approval to love Aaron or spend my life with him. I don't need same-sex marriage legalized to show him that love. Even if laws and legislature are not necessary, why the intense opposition? Why do people hate the idea of us solemnizing our commitment and having legal right bestowed on our relationship? Why do the religious feel this is an attack on their rights?

This country promises a future for its citizens. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I am a citizen of the United States. I am an honest, caring, intelligent, and fun individual. Why do people care if I want to spend my life with a man?

As an LDS person, I know my religion says homosexuality is a sin. Perhaps by creating laws that solemnize that "sin" LDS people believe they are condoning it. Don't condone it. Don't even love it. But allow me that choice. If it really is a sin, it is only one that harms me. There is no "second-hand gay" to inhale. There are no "driving under the influence of gay" citations. It doesn't harm you in the least. I know it doesn't harm me.

For the other gay people who read this: Remember who you are. You are loved. You are citizens of this great country. You deserve equality.

For my LDS friends and other religious people: Remember the Golden Rule. I would never want to vote to divorce your (or my) parents, grandparents or friends. I respect the lives they live. I know you respect me as a person. Respect me as a couple too.

PS - Reading this may have made some of my friends uncomfortable. Don't be. I'm the same guy. I just think how much Aaron means to me... and I want to protect it.

Word of the Day: Coincidental

2009-05-08T13:58:00.002-06:00

Actually the word of the day could be "ironic" or "coincidental". As you may know, in American English usage people use the word "ironic" when they actually mean "coincidental."

My example today from a chat I had:

Me: Reminder: Gay Day @ Hogle Zoo, tomorrow at 1 PM. Wear red!

ItsTrue: ironically, I've never actually been to Hogle

Me: Ironically?

ItsTrue: I live in Salt Lake City

Me: Ah

ItsTrue: you'd think that'd be something I've done

ItsTrue: well....my assumption, anyway.

The Escape

2009-04-29T12:30:00.004-06:00

I had a thought today. I've written about many topics on this blog. Since coming out here in November I've had a lot of topics to write about that I didn't before. To some extent I've been able to integrate friends from both sides of my life. I have been pretty successful in becoming integrated rather than compartmentalized. The thought that occurred to me today was to be thankful for one of the sources of that change.

I'm currently (and have been for almost five years) one of the moderators of a group called The Escape. When I lived in Provo and was attending BYU I became friends with a guy named Jeromy. He is gay like I am and my age. We hit it off very well. He had just started a group he called The Escape. Basically Jeromy opened his home to host activities where other gay people and their friends could come to socialize, watch movies, play games, and other activities. He created a Yahoo group so he could announce the various activities. One of the tenets of the group was that alcohol is not needed in order to have a good time.

I remember the first time I went to an Escape party. It was the second one ever held. I was very nervous. It was my first time being at a gay event. I had to convince myself that I could do it. I remember showing up and feeling very out of place. Everyone seemed at ease. For those of you that don't know me well, when I am in a group of people I don't know I get really quiet. I'm sure I said very little at the activity. I remember Jeromy saying hello to me. But he was hosting the party and couldn't spend much time with me. It reminds me of the feeling when I was first off my mission and went to a Christmas party thrown by some relatives of mine. It was a feeling of subdued panic. I was tense. Afterward, I was glad I went. It was far outside my comfort circle. I didn't talk about anything at the party, but it was good to hear other people talk about being gay like it was an everyday thing.

I became very good friends with Jeromy and became part of the planning process for The Escape. Most of those early parties were pretty simple. We'd watch movies and socialize. I met the first guy I ever dated at one of those parties. I remember holding his hand as we watched a movie. We got creative though. We had a Vegas party once where we built and created our own Vegas-style props for the party. That party was huge! The place was packed.

Jeromy and his boyfriend moved away and I volunteered to lead the group. Sadly, nothing happened while I was in charge. I didn't own my own place and we didn't have a place to host activities. The group just stayed on hiatus until Jeromy returned.

The next largest change occurred when Aaron (my boyfriend) and I moved to Salt Lake City. Jeromy now lived in BYU-approved housing and couldn't host The Escape any longer. Aaron and I started having it our home. The Escape changed. No longer in the shade of secrecy needed to operate in Utah County the organization made a big change. Just as Jeromy, Aaron and I had evolved into openly gay, integrated, and happy men, the scope of the group was doing the same. We began having larger activities and in the public. We host Gay Day at Hogle Zoo. We are a large part of Gay Day at Lagoon Park. We play croquet and barbecue in the park. You may have seen pictures of these activities on my facebook page. Aaron and I have welcomed many people into our home under the umbrella of The Escape. Now, rather than giving closeted gays a place to be their selves (and we still do that), we help gay men choose happy and healthy lives.

I think another era is opening up for the group right now. The Escape has been largely insular until now. We didn't allow other groups to advertise on our Yahoo group. We wouldn't let other people host activities. We never did anything with other groups. We're changing that. Salt Lake is a much larger place with many more resources. We have begun to network with the other gay and lesbian groups here. Last week I had a phone interview with QSaltLake, Utah's gay news magazine. They had seen our facebook group and our planned Gay Day at Hogle Zoo. I'm hoping they'll do an article beforehand and we'll get more people to show up. We recently changed our age policy too. Before this month, we encouraged people over 40 to find a group better suited to their situations. We've removed that. We're open to any age. I think all of these changes are going to be incredible! It has meant losing some control that we kept tight, but it is going to make very positive changes.

Thinking about this just gave me another great idea!

Spring Flowers

2009-04-21T16:41:00.004-06:00

Just some pictures I took around the neighborhood. I love spring. I feel content and happy feeling the sun on my back and such beautiful colors. *smile*

Romaniaphile

2009-04-17T13:44:00.005-06:00

I've heard it said that after your mission, not a day will go by where you will not think of it. I think it's true for me. Sometimes it's just a Romanian word in my head. Other times I think of the members and investigators I knew there. Or I think of the cities, the architecture and the streets.

Right now I am listening to the Romanian Rhapsody by George Enescu on youtube. I remember listening to this on my mission. It stirs my memories. Reading in my apartment, listening to the CD I bought in the market. Actually, most classical music was sold in little stores. The pirated pop music was what you found in the markets. (I bought plenty of that too. Though I didn't listen to it until after my mission.)

My MTC companion just finished a trip back to Romania. I hope he posts a lot of pictures up on facebook. I know I will go back to visit again. I did it the summer after my mission and it's really what helped me move on.

I just looked up the weather for one of my favorite cities. Arad will have a high of 72 tomorrow with 20% chance of precipitation. Sounds perfect. I wish I had someone that I could talk Romania with! *smile*

Corkboard

2009-04-10T15:59:00.002-06:00

This is from my flair application on facebook. I was looking at it today and thinking what a good snapshot of my sense of humor and interests it is.

Some of them may be hard to see. On the real app, you can bring any of the buttons to the foreground and enlarge them.

Scott's Blog

2009-03-24T15:27:00.002-06:00

I saw this video and thought, Wow that was beautiful. I wasn't going to post it because I don't want this to become just a "gay blog". Then I thought, This isn't a gay blog. This is Scott's blog.

Star Trek!

2009-03-18T14:35:00.001-06:00

Could I be any more excited?

Flattered and Hopeful

2009-03-17T18:01:00.004-06:00

I just read these words and found them to be inspired. They were said by the NAACP's Julian Bond.

When someone asks me, "are gay rights civil rights?" my answer is always, "Of course, they are." Civil rights are positive legal prerogatives: the right to equal treatment before the law. These are the rights shared by everyone. There is no one in the United States who does not, or should not, enjoy or share in enjoying these rights. Gay and lesbian rights are not special rights in any way. It isn't "special" to be free from discrimination. It is an ordinary, universal entitlement of citizenship.
...People of color ought to be flattered that our movement has provided so much inspiration for others. That, it has been, that our movement has been so widely imitated. That our tactics, our methods, our heroes, our heroines, and even our songs, have been appropriated or served as models for others.
...Now, no parallel between movements is exact. African-Americans are the only Americans who were enslaved for more than two centuries and people of color carried the badge of who we are on our faces. But we are far from the only people suffering discrimination; sadly, so do many others. And those others deserve the law's protection and civil rights too.

I am an openly gay man. But I haven't been that way for very long. I have had a boyfriend for three and a half years. I came out to my parents only five months ago. I was out to two out of my three last jobs. I haven't had much experience with discrimination. (Other than mistaken discrimination.) I'm sure that will change with time. I know that there are countless other gay men and women who deal with discrimination and hatred often. They may find it at the workplace, their places of worship, among their families or maybe from the populace at large. It can be easy to ignore it because it isn't at your doorstep.

It can be difficult to understand it. But imagine being denied a marriage license because you are blond. Perhaps you weren't hired because you are left-handed. Maybe you were denied an apartment contract because you were too short. Some opponents of human rights (I say human rights because gay men and women are human too.) will tell you that you have the same rights you do. After all, you could die your hair blond, learn to be right-handed and maybe wear heels. Most people don't even realize what rights they do have. Rights are so rarely taken away that we don't have experience with it.

The question remains, what to do about it? I am not a political activist. I do vote. I think the best that we gay people can do is to come out to people. When others know you personally they will find it harder to take away or deny your rights. It takes a lot of guts to be out to your family, your co-workers and friends. But it will do you good. For those of you that are friends and family to gay men and women, get to know us better. Invite us to activities with your straight friends and family. Understand that we are as human as yourself with the same strengths and weaknesses. We want to be respected, build families, and secure our futures. Every bit of your love, friendship and compassion is appreciated.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Ketchup

2009-03-12T19:10:00.004-06:00

So last weekend Aaron and I and two other friends went to 24 Hour fitness. Aaron and I went with the intent of joining. (The membership people weren't there as it was late, so we couldn't join that day.) It was the first time I'd set foot in a gym since maybe 2003 or so. Back at BYU I worked out with my friend Reed for a semester or two. Ever since that time I've wanted to go back. I either didn't have the time, money, or a workout partner. Now I have all three.

Aaron had never been to a gym. Our two friends Dan and Jer both took turns working out with us. We went easy and it was fun. I did cardio for the first time ever. When I worked out at BYU I never did cardio. I was trying to gain weight not lose it.

After working out and one more run of cardio we went to the steam room for awhile and then used the hot tub. I'll tell you the truth, having access to a hot tub 24/7 is a major motivation for Aaron and I. I have the added motivation of knowing how much fun working out is and the great changes it enduces. One more bit of motivation: Our gym (in Sugarhouse) is full of hot guys! Some of you may gasp that I would admit that. Aaron and I are a great couple. We love each other an awful lot. That being said, we both *love* checking out guys. As I sometimes say, "We have a closed relationship, but we have open eyes." We will scope out hot men point them out to the other. We even have some code words and hand signals to that effect. I think, by joining the gym, Aaron and I will add ourselves to those hot men's ranks.

So four days later my arms are still a little sore. LOL I remember it being that way when I started working out the first time. I'm a skinny guy (with a little padding now) and it has always been hard for me to gain weight (muscle or otherwise). I know this will bump my metabolism and body in the right direction and I'm excited to see the results! I'll keep you updated.

PS - I know some of my blog readers and are wondering about the ketchup. It's a pun (gasp!) on catching up.

Trolley Square Anniversary

2009-02-14T11:22:00.002-07:00

The day before yesterday was the two year anniversary of the Trolley Square shooting. I had to work that evening so Aaron and I were unable to visit the mall until half an hour before it closes. I bought some flowers to leave there. There was one little set of flowers there and a candle burning. It was good to know that someone remembered.

I hope that there were more flowers earlier. Perhaps mall management had already removed the other memorials. I know that reminding customers that people died in that spot is not good for business. But for one day, it should be acceptable.

Truthfully, I wish they had a plaque, a statue, or some kind of memorial there. I think it's very important to remember these sort of things. But the mall is there to make money not to memorialize those who passed into the next life. I didn't lose anyone in the shooting but I'm fortunate that I'm still alive. I'm lucky that none of my co-workers or customers were harmed, especially when it was so close.

It hardly seems possible that it was two years ago. Simultaneously it feels like it was a few months ago and 5-6 years ago. I can remember it very well, but it feels very distant.

Aaron said something yesterday that I'm trying to remember, "I think it's good to commemorate these events so that we can remember what we do have and how blessed we are."

Space Opera!

2009-01-31T09:48:00.002-07:00

So I saw this the other day on AdultSwim. I immediately fell in love! My friend Dan was watching with me and he is an opera singer. He was impressed too. If this ever became an opera I would see it! Star Trek has been called a space opera before, we could make that more literal!

Circuit City Lowdown

2009-01-19T15:55:00.004-07:00

Yep, yet another job of mine has gone under. First, The Sharper Image and now Circuit City. I still miss Sharper Image. I had it really good there and if they hadn't bankrupted I would still be there. I will miss the people I work with at CCity, but I won't miss the job. I have no benefits, only part-time hours, and it's not as inviting an environment as Sharper Image was. However, here in our store, there is a lot "family". For those of my non-gay readers, "family" is code for gay. We had some of them over last night for our soup potluck. It went really well.

So I've been reading a lot of articles and blogs about Circuit City's liquidation deals. As I have managed a store going through liquidation, I have more experience then those writers and bloggers. So here's the lowdown: Sales start at 10% off and will get larger incrementally. So yeah, 10% is not a great deal! It barely pays for sales tax. But patience! If we could all wait 2-3 weeks before purchasing stuff we could probably get 50% off. I guess most customers have no experience with liquidation either. I have customers asking me all the time, "so when do the good deals start?"

It doesn't help that the liquidators haven't even shown up at our store yet. They should have giant signs listing the percentage off. The registers should show the current discount as well. Right now the Customer Service Associates, Supervisors, and Managers are the only people who can do the price change. The rest of us associates just stand around and answer questions or point people towards products. I hear that come tomorrow the prices will be in the registers. So I'll finally be able to ring people up and lessen the work load of my associates.

So finding good prices at Circuit City or any other liquidating store will always be a gamble. You can wait till the discounts are worth it and risk the product you want not being there, or you can buy at the micro-discount of 10-20% and be sure to get what you want. As for the claims that liquidators raise the prices before they "discount", that may be true, but not at Circuit City or Sharper Image. If they wanted to do that, they'd have to remove and replace tens of thousands of price tags. Neither they nor we have time for that.

So, I have at least 60 days of pay. I using that time to find myself a job. If you know of any jobs available, I have retail and retail management experience. I can certainly give you my resume.

Conundrum

2009-01-12T23:37:00.003-07:00

Being gay can really create some moral conundrums. I like to think that I am a person with a strong moral center. I know right from wrong and do my best to make good choices. That being said, most decisions aren't difficult if I can overcome my pride. Lately I've been faced with some difficult choices.

I have a very active facebook account. I check it daily and enjoy keeping up with old friends, family, and current friends. I am also "out" on facebook. My status shows me as being in a relationship and points to my boyfriend. In my notes about myself in mentions that I am a gay Mormon. It was very liberating to come out to everyone all together like that. I received a lot of messages of support and love.

I came out to my parents less than a month after I came out online. During the discussion with my parents, my mother mentioned that she wanted to just keep it in our immediate family. I respect that decision though I know it won't last for long.

So here is my problem: Today a cousin of mine sent me a friend request on facebook. She is sixteen years old. I am pretty close to her family and consider this cousin and her sisters to be my friends. To my knowledge, she and her family do not know that I am gay. I don't mind if they know, I'm open and willing to speak about it. I don't think that a sixteen year old will have a hard time understanding what homosexuality is. She and her family are smart and sensitive.

I worry about my choice taking away the decision from her parents as to when/if to have the "gay talk" with their children. I think it would be odd for her parents to learn about me from their sixteen year old daughter. She is a minor too.

So what do I do? I could ignore the request, which I think would be rude and suspicious. I could "straighten" up my profile and remove most references to my homosexuality. I don't think I would be true to myself then. I could add her as a friend and let the consequences fall as they may. Is that selfish? Or I could add her mother (I think she is on facebook) and then inform her.

Is there another option I'm missing? Which is the moral decision? Which is the right decision? Your opinions are very much appreciated!

2008-12-29T14:19:00.002-07:00

I'm a little frustrated right now. I found yesterday that not only is Circuit open New Year's Day, I will be working that morning. Yes, I work New Years eve and day. Add that on top of working the day before and after Christmas and that I only have 17 hours next week and you can see why I'm frustrated. Circuit has stolen my holidays. Before *anyone* says, 'that's the nature of retail', I will cut you off. It may be the nature of retail at Circuit, but not everywhere.

I always compare my job to Sharper Image, but it really was the best I've experienced. There, if you worked before a holiday, you wouldn't be scheduled the day after. We weren't open New Year's Day at all. I'm sure that if we were, we'd get holiday pay. Now I will bet you two to one that we will *not* get holiday pay at Circuit.

If I am scheduled less than 30 hours the next week, I will begin looking for another job. I have yet to have 40 hours. I need a full time job. I made goals to make my 30s the best. That includes getting a car, finishing my degree and having a good job. Circuit City seems to be hindering those goals, not advancing them.

There is a supervisor position open at the Fort Union store. I had a co-worker say that I should apply for the position. However it said in the e-mail that they would judge on firedog and circuit city advantage add-ons. I'm not that good at adding those on, though I have improved a lot. If I were good at the add-ons for computers, I'd be set.

I still have my eyes on achieving supervisor. I entered the job with that position in my sights. *sigh* I hate change, I hate changing jobs. I want to advance in this job.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T20:30:00.003-07:00

I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I really hope that your day was full of magic and peace. Christmas is a wonderful time of year. I really do look forward to it. Sadly, it is simultaneously too long and done too quickly. Working in retail really does put a damper on my holidays. I only got Christmas day off. I worked Christmas eve and I work tomorrow too. December has been busy and difficult at Circuit City. Imagine six people with questions that need answering, product that needs unlocking, and things that need their prices checked. Don't get me wrong, I like working in retail. I like selling things and helping customers pick the best product for them. But that customer urgency is what makes me glad the season has passed.

But it is moments like this that makes me wish Christmas could continue. I'm sitting here watching Kung Fu Panda with my mom and two nephews. It's quiet and peaceful. Three days off would give me a chance to breathe, to appreciate my time with my family and friends. I could sit by the Christmas tree, listen to some carols, and snuggle up to my babe, Aaron.

That brings me to the last part. I miss Aaron. I really wanted to spend Christmas morning with him. It couldn't be this year though. He had to work at six this morning. So I went home with my parents last night. We're struggling to even find time to have our own Christmas. It's hard because I did the hardest thing I've done in my life (come out to my parents) so that I could have Christmas with Aaron. *sigh* I guess it will be next year.

Logical

2008-12-11T20:14:00.004-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Jon Stewart just comes across as very logical and well thought out. To me gay marriage is logical. Two people love each other and as consenting adults should be able to marry. The argument that if we change the definition of marriage then we'll have to allow polygamy or any other arrangement doesn't hold water. I'm sure when interracial marriages were first legalized, people used the same argument. Our law works on a case by case basis, legalizing one thing doesn't mean all other things are legal too.

Concerning polygamy, I certainly don't want it legalized. I also don't think that it's even doctrine of the Church that it will come back either. Polygamy was already restored once, nothing says it will be restored again. Back in the 1800s when polygamy was made illegal the Church was persecuted and members practicing it were hunted down. Those members evaded capture and continued to break the law. Earlier the Church had left the United States in order to pursue their own freedom of religion. Everything points to the Church being an ally for gay men and women and our fight for equality. Historically we Mormons have practiced "alternative lifestyles". And as Jon Stewart said, religion is certainly more of a choice than being gay. Religion and particularly Mormonism should be sympathetic to our cause.

Here's why I think logic evades the situation. First, LDS members today don't relate to the members who practiced polygamy (oftentimes their own progenitors). On my mission the polygamy issue would come up regularly. We were taught to say that that was over 100 years ago and that we don't do that anymore. Basically saying, "It was different back then, but we've changed." It was treated like it was a little dirty secret that we needed to downplay. Stories of how difficult it was for members to have their religion say one thing and their country say another haven't been passed down. We don't read them in Sunday School, we don't hear those stories in Conference. It's been erased. Members today don't relate because they don't even know those issues.

Second, as members of the Church, sex and sexuality is sacred. It is also secret. We don't feel comfortable talking about it even while using the upmost respect. Many people suffer in silence because they can't breach the taboo subject. Sexual development and sexuality have *major* roles in human development. Its influence can be felt in every facet of our lives. Most LDS people define gay men and women by what they see as the only difference: with whom they like to have sex. (We're much more complex than that!) But sex and sexuality are taboo subjects. So gay people are taboo subjects. Members feel that if they openly accept gay people then they are in support of the sin. You cannot hate a sin and love a sinner in this case because in the Church's eyes the sin defines the sinner. Loving the sinner implies that you love the sin. I've never heard in real terms how one can hate a sin without hating the sinner.

Last, religions should be happy that a population of "promiscuos" and "immoral" citizens want to give up their old ways and settle down into life-long and stable relationships or marriages. It should be like welcoming the prodigal son back into the fold. This isn't so because in the eyes of most religious people, a gay relationship is not permisible or equal. It would allow gay parents to teach children that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality. Afterall, the child's two dads or two moms raised him well, kept him fed, and taught him right from wrong. Many of us want to adopt and there are so many children out there without parents. But most religious people will say it is better for a child to grow up on the street than to be raised by gay parents. Sick.

In short (too late!), history isn't enough to make LDS members and gay people become allies. It's only going to start by gay people making and continuing to be friends with their LDS neighbors. Two of my nephews know I'm gay now. I'm sure they are much more okay with it than their parents or my parents (just like racism). Each generation will be more sympathetic because each generation will have more experience with their gay brothers and sisters. Most of us are normal, good and moral people. I'm proud to be both LDS and gay.

Happy Human Rights Day

2008-12-10T08:03:00.003-07:00

"The date was chosen to honor the United Nations General Assembly's adoption and proclamation, on 10 December 1948, of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), the first global enunciation of human rights. The commemoration was established in 1950, when the General Assembly invited all states and interested organizations to celebrate the day as they saw fit."
--Wikipedia.org, Human Rights Day

This year is also the 60th anniversary of the day's anniversary. The gay community chose this day for the Day Without a Gay. Basically gay men and women are supposed to call in sick today and use the day to do community service. It will help America see how much of an impact we have on everyday life. If every single gay person didn't show up for work today, it would have a *huge* impact. I'm sure every field of work would be affected and some would shut down all together.

I had considered asking for the day off, but I will be going in to work today. I haven't been at Circuit City long enough to just call in sick. If I were still at Sharper Image, I bet my boss would have given himself, Aaron and I the day off (as we are all gay). So today, I figured my contribution would be blogging about the day.

I'm not one to be a political activist. I'd just like to say that we gay people are full citizens of the United States and deserve all rights, privileges, and responsibilities of being a full citizen. This includes the right to marry, the right to serve in the military and the right to pursue our own happiness.

My Most Recent Word Cloud

2008-12-07T21:13:00.000-07:00

Duplicity

2008-12-03T14:30:00.003-07:00

Today's my day off. I went over to the $5 haircut place on 7th where I normally get my haircut. I had a nice barber (are women barbers too?) She started the pleasant small talk that barbers normally do. That's cool with me. Silence or small talk are equally fine for me.

She talked about her three-year-old son and getting ready for Christmas. I mentioned my nephews and going to the Festival of Trees today. As I was doing this, I caught myself "straightening" my small talk. It's something I do naturally. When I make the switch I use gender neutral pronouns, change the situations a little bit and tweak the truth. I do it without even thinking. Today I just happened to mentally catch it.

It made me think. I am out to my family and friends now. There is not really anyone else that needs to hear it from me. (My sister is excluded.) So why do I de-gay my speech? Do I really care what the barber thinks? Is it just easier to not show that part of me to strangers? My boyfriend Aaron doesn't "straighten" his speech at all. He works at a hotel and will mention picking up his boyfriend or a cute guy or whatever. He's not embarrassed. He just treats it like it is the most normal thing. I envy him for that.

On one hand, I don't need to share my sexual orientation with every person I meet. I am a gay man and am proud of who I am, but it just isn't relevant to every conversation or relationship. Sometimes (rarely in my experience), I need to hide that aspect to protect myself or others from hate speech. That aside, there doesn't seem to be any logical reason to hide my being gay from people.

On the other hand, by sharing my sexuality as Aaron does--in the most normal matter--it will expose people to the fact that there are gay people every where. We are normal. Utahns particularly need exposure to that.

So what do you think? For those of my readers who are gay, how do you handle those situations? For those who aren't gay, being Mormon is probably the closest analogy. Do you ever "de-Mormonize" your speech with strangers you interact with? Do either of the groups say "I'm going to hang out with my friends" rather than saying "ward activity" or "Gay night"?

Frivolous I Know

2008-11-28T21:54:00.003-07:00

I grabbed this list from another blogging friend. It's pretty easy — just copy the list and embolden the items that you've done in your life…

Started your own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than you can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sang a solo
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grown your own vegetables
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train
Had a pillow fight
Hitch hiked
Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Run a Marathon
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total solar eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a cruise
Seen Niagara Falls in person
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught yourself a new language
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing
Seen Michelangelo’s David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had your portrait painted
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Gone whale watching
Got flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
Bounced a check (oops!)
Flown in a helicopter
Saved a favorite childhood toy
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten Caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
Broken a bone
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had your picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Had chickenpox
Saved someone’s life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee

PS - If something is frivolous, does it mean it is full of frivol?

Black (as night) Friday

2008-11-28T09:43:00.002-07:00

My day began at 3 AM today. I had to be to work at 4 AM. I have to say that I am not very tired. I went to be at 10 last night so I got five hours of sleep. Oh and I took a Tylenol PM to help me get to sleep right away.

So right now I'm on my first break. It has been busy today, but nothing compared to last year or so I'm told. Last year the line was six deep and wrapped half-way around the store. This morning there were around 50 people waiting. I've been stationed at the registers in cameras and imaging. I'd thought I would be crowded and pressed by people and ringing them up frantically. I haven't been crowded at all, just pleasantly busy.

All of this is probably bad overall for the store. I'm hoping that we are selling good gross margin on products. But I wonder if it's this way just for our store or for other Circuit Cities or even the same in other chains too. I guess we'll know in a few days.

The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

2008-11-26T22:07:00.004-07:00

Sunday I went with my parents up to Logan to go to my nephew's Eagle Court of Honor. I didn't really want to go. I imagined it would be long and drawn out and well, boring. I'm happy to say that I was wrong. It was actually inspiring. My 14 year old nephew and my 10 year old nephew both were impressed. Especially Zach, his eyes were all wide after watching the video about the eagle. It's good to see him take interest in something like that.

So afterwards, we were headed home after I dropped off my nephews. My parents wanted to just drive me straight to SLC but I asked to stop by their place. Then my dad was going wait in the car till I grabbed whatever it was I needed. I asked them both to come in because I needed to talk to them about something.

I sat them down and I came out to them. I won't go into great detail as it is personal. But they had suspected for two years. After finding out that I had a boyfriend, they were surprised. It seems my whole family suspected that I was gay, but none of them suspected that I did anything about it. So no one but me cried. My parents do worry for my eternal well-being. The gay doesn't bother them, just eternity. Which is... refreshing. We discussed several aspects of me being gay. I think we were mostly on the same page.

My parents are basically the last people I care about that I needed to tell. But this isn't the end, it's really the beginning. I'm sure after they have gotten over the shock of it, they will have many questions, and we may probably disagree on a lot of things. But we will learn from each other and come to an understanding.

I think the most important part of this is that I am tearing down the buffer zone that I needed to keep between my loved ones and myself. I was tired of lying but not ready to come out to them yet. I look forward to regaining what I lost.

Oh the weather

2008-11-20T08:19:00.001-07:00

So this is what I was going to post yesterday, but didn't have the time:

Can I say how much I love our weather lately? We've been in the 50-60° range. The mean temperature for Utah in November is usually is 42°. And I just looked it up, our record high for November was 75° in 1999. Wow. We would normally have perma-snow on the ground by now. Thank you global warming! As I have said before, I think Utah is going through arizonification (the process of becoming like Arizona).

So of course today, it's just the opposite: cold and windy. Well, you can never expect Utah weather to be predictable in the fall or spring.

2008-11-19T12:33:00.001-07:00

Can I say how much I love our weather lately? We've been in the 50-60° range. The mean temperature for Utah in November is usually is 42°. And I just looked it up, our record high for November was 75° in 1999. Wow. We would normally have perma-snow on the ground by now. Thank you global warming! As I have said before, I think Utah is going through arizonification (the process of becoming like Arizona).

Creativity

2008-11-14T00:37:00.004-07:00

I am feeling particularly creative right now. I just finished making a How to Host a Murder Mystery into the form I needed it. Yes, yes, it took me over a year to actually finish it. But it's done! Regular murder mysteries are four men and four women. I needed one to be eight men. So I had to change all the female names to male names, and make all their attributes male too. This would have been very easy but for one thing: One of the females was pregnant. That fact is very important for the story as it determines heirship. It took me *forever* to determine how to fix that. But I did it!

I still have the bug though. I want to keep working on one. I have one that I started maybe six years ago and it's well on its way. I was looking over it today and it's very creative, if I do say so myself. So I can either finish that one, or begin another. This old one is nice because it's for five men and five women, so more people can participate. It's also completely from scratch.

If I do start another murder mystery, I have two ideas in mind. I could either do a Clue based mystery, or I thought of a campaign party murder mystery. The first option is classic and a lot of fun. I *love* Clue! The second is pretty good idea too. Aaron made a good suggestion too. I don't have to make an all male murder mystery this time. Now that I'm out to all my friends I can have men and women. And that does make it a lot easier!

On another creative note, I am also very good at modifying existing games and improving them. For my birthday Aaron got me a Planet Earth trivia game. It was a lot of fun to play. It's a DVD game, so you get to see lots of beautiful scenery from our amazing planet. But... it wasn't competitive enough! So my wheels are turning on how to improve it. It'll be good.

And lastly, a short list of games I've improved or created:

Murder Mysteries
Tibbets
Jungle Tag
Super Monopoly
Clue Live
Murder in the Dark
...and there are others.

Milton Bradley should hire me!

A New Chapter for America and Me

2008-11-06T13:10:00.003-07:00

Today I turn 30 years old. I think for most that would be a sobering thought. Most people do not look forward to that birthday. I feel differently. My 20s were an incredible decade. It started with serving in Romania and helping others come to Christ. That experience will always be with me. I went to college and expanded my horizons and created many, many good friends. I've also come to understand myself better and point myself in the right direction. I've found the love of my life and we are building a positive and loving relationship together.

So now I begin my 30s with great plans for the future. There are several things that have been chains around my feet that I am going to remove. I have made goals to become a better person. I already started them. I am excited to be 30! Besides, 30-somethings are hot! lol

On another note, I am excited for our country. I voted for McCain, but fully expected Obama to win. I feel hope for the future of America. I don't think that one term from either candidate will end our problems, but I know that the hope of change will spur many Americans to make positive changes to their homes, businesses, and surroundings. I'm very proud that I was able to vote.

Whether you voted for McCain, Obama, or some other, now is the time to rally around our new President and support him. Part of the fall of the Nephite nation came when they sought to subvert and manipulate the will of their leaders. But we're Americans, all together, all of us. One president alone cannot fix our problems, but all together we can.

Election Ramblings

2008-11-03T01:42:00.004-07:00

I don't think I mentioned, but on Halloween I was happy to vote early. I work on election day, so Aaron and I went and voted. It felt really good. I'd love to wear that "I voted." sticker every day until election day. But I won't.

It doesn't matter who I voted for. (Though I voted for both Dems and Reps.) I've been a registered Republican my whole voting career. I still would be, only when I registered here in Salt Lake City, I must have missed that box or something. So as of right now I'm an independent voter.

I'm looking forward to election day. I've always had so much fun watching as the voting stats roll in. Gayle and Aaron C. will remember election day so long ago when we made fun of the reporters. Yes Gayle you thought that woman was ugly, you can admit it.

If I may make a prediction, whichever candidate wins... he won't be able to fix our problems. However, he may lengthen or shorten the troubles we are going through. And whoever is elected, he and his party will be blamed for not getting us out the hole we're in.

I'll end this rambling post with a challenge: Vote.

New Music Video

2008-11-02T11:19:00.003-07:00

Brandy - New Music - More Music Videos

So I thought this video was beautiful when I saw it. Something struck me as interesting, but I didn't know what. Then it struck me, the singer, Brandy, is an angel. She's reaching down to comfort the people. I really love the song.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T21:12:00.003-06:00

I hope you've been having a great day! I have had a great Halloween so far and it's not over yet. I woke up an hour early for work today to put on all my zombie costume. I don't have my pictures uploaded yet to show you. So I rode the bus to work. Everyone pretty much ignored me except one preteen who kept looking at me. There was a latino guy sitting across the aisle from me. He was old, grandpa aged. When he saw me board the bus he crossed himself! Yeah, I'm not evil!

The day went by really quick, but I was only there 5 hours. Most people just ignored the costume, and a lot of people complimented me. I love being a zombie at work!

So in about an hour or so we're going to head to Club Sound. We go every year. This year I think they'll have fire dancers and ribbon dancers. I've seen the fire dancers before and wow, they are good!

A New Beginning

2008-10-29T16:11:00.001-06:00

I started my first blog July 24, 2004. Back then I started a blog as a way for my family and friends to keep up with my life. I think many people start blogs for that reason. I think it works out that way for very few people however. More often than not it provides a release for the blogger. You're able to write your feelings and by doing so work through things and understand yourself better. That and put up the silly things of your life. lol

But I have to say, life is really good. I'm proud of where I'm at and I'm proud of where I'm going. The past three years I've made some big decisions and they changed my life for the better and in ways I couldn't have guessed.

It's those big changes that have made it hard to meet/chat with some of you earlier. About three years ago I finally admitted to myself that I'm gay. Yeah, even now it's hard to type it. It's a life altering realization and one that has really changed me. I won't bother you with the long story from there to here. But I'll tell you some details. I am out to my brother and sister-in-law but not yet to my parents. I want to tell them very much, but I don't know how to go about it. I don't want to ruin their lives. But I think it'll happen sooner than later.

The other big part of this that has changed my life: I've had a boyfriend for over three years now. You already know him. It's Aaron. We've lived together for over two years now. We really do make each other happy. I really love him. I see a long life together with him.

So you probably have a lot of questions running through your mind. The first question that came to one friend's mind when I told her this news, was what my standing was with the Church. I'm not out to the Church either. I love the Church; I have a strong testimony of it. I don't go to Church every Sunday, but I'm not inactive either. I think the main reason going to Church is hard, isn't that I have any guilt... but rather the constant pressure to participate in things that I no longer can. I'm not worthy to participate in the Priesthood or attend the Temple. I can only really be "half" a member. But I want the Church to always be a part of my life. It just has to take on a different role now.

Now I've given you a lot to swallow. But I don't want to over do it. I'm sure you have questions and I promise I will answer every one of them honestly and to the best of my ability. It took me years to come to terms with this, so I don't expect you to do it any faster. I'm a good person, I've just been faced with some very hard decisions.

I turn 30 in a little over a week. I've made a goal to have my 30s be my best decade yet. Part of that means becoming a whole person. I'm bringing the two parts of my life into one complete whole. Coming out to friends and family has been a spiritual experience. The Spirit is drawn to the truth and now I can share it with you.

Please don't let any of this come between our friendships. I am still the same Scott. I love my friends, family, games, movies, science fiction, and have the same dry sense of humor. I trust you enough to share the important parts of my life.

Scott

Halloween Playlist

2008-10-08T18:04:00.002-06:00

I love making CDs for my friends. I make them for various reasons, for parties, events, or even seasons. The other week I started making a Halloween CD when I stumbled across a playlist I had made for work at The Sharper Image for Halloween day. So with a little updating to that previous list, I present to you "Halloween 2008"!

1. Michael Jackson (DMX remix) - Thriller
2. Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party
3. B52s - Monster Mash
4. The End Mashup - Who Can It Be Watching Me
5. Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London
6. Theme Song for Ghostbusters
7. Marilyn Manson - This Is Halloween
8. Aqua - Halloween
9. The Theme for the Munsters
10. Anastasia Soundtrack - In the Dark of the Night
11. The Theme for the Addams' Family
12. The Theme for the X-Files
13. Rocky Horror Picture Show - Time Warp
14. Oingo Boingo - Weird Science
15. David Bowie - Magic Dane
16. Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper
17. Bette Midler - I Put a Spell on You
18. Rihanna - Disturbia

Halloween in my neighborhood

2008-10-07T19:36:00.002-06:00

I was taking a walk in my neighborhood yesterday evening. I turned a corner and I nearly gasped. It looked like someone had hanged themselves from the nearby tree. Then a smile broke out on my face. I love Halloween! I imagine having a tree with dummies hanging from nooses.

Am I Excited?

2008-09-27T00:12:00.003-06:00

I'm sure you can tell from the newly themed blog that I am excited for Halloween. I'm actually a little late. Normally I'm very excited for the holiday back in August. Now it's only 3 days until one of my favorite months and I have caught the fever!

It started with me finding a playlist I made last year. I worked at The Sharper Image and I made a CD with all Halloween music to play on my second favorite holiday. I've been listening to it every day. These songs bring me back. Right now I'm listening to a Thriller remix that I had played at a few Halloween ward dances back at BYU. Reed M. *loved* this song too. Once it's October I'll probably post the playlist up on here. Now I'm listening to "I Put a Spell On You."

I want to have a Halloween party. I want to have the classics like a costume contest, bobbing for apples, donuts on a string, sugar cookies and all the other trimmings. I'd better get to work!

Things Are Improving

2008-09-26T13:15:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was my last day at Staples. For those that don't know about it, I'll update you quickly. I started looking for a job in August. I applied everywhere and it seemed that no one was hiring. After all, no one called me for an interview. Then I got a call from Staples and I took the job. I really needed the money. One week later I had a call from Circuit City for an interview. I took a job there. I went to Staples and let them know that I needed to quit. I had hoped they would let me go without having to put in my two weeks. After all, I had only worked there three days. The manager wanted me to stay the remaining two weeks because I was already on the schedule.

So a few days ago the manger offered me a quarter more pay than Circuit City if I would stay. I really considered it. Staples is closer and within walking distance than CCity. I like the people at Staples better as well. But the position was only head cashier and I'd just be standing behind a register all day. I can do much better than that.

So yesterday I turned down the promotion and said that I would not be able to work there any longer. It is a relief to be done with two jobs. I was working every day and with alternating hours.

It also feels great to have money in the bank and a steady income. Now the downside is that at CCity you have to earn full-time hours. So I can expect 30+ hours every week, but I won't know how many until the week comes. That means there will be variation in my paycheck. I like to have reliable income. I am not the most financially inclined so reliability helps me out a lot.

On another note, aren't you loving this weather? It's 80 degrees out right now and today's high is 85! I was walking outside in shorts and it was heaven. I wish this cold would go away and I'd be enjoying it even more!

Tag to Everyone Who Reads This!

2008-08-15T00:35:00.003-06:00

Go to Google images and type in your own answers for the topics below. Pick your favorite image on the first 3 pages of results and post... (Yes it does take forever for it to line up correctly.)

My First Name:

My Middle Name:

My Last Name:

My Age:

A Place I Would Like to Visit:

My Favorite Place:

My College Degree:

My Grandma's Name:

The Place I Grew Up:

A Pet I Have Owned:

Nickname of a Best Friend:

My First Job:

My Favorite Food:

My Favorite Color:

What I am Doing Right Now:

A Bad Habit:

America's Best Dance Crew

2008-08-14T22:46:00.002-06:00

So America's Best Dance Crew is my favorite television show. And you may scoff, but watch it! The people on the show have incredible talent. Besides loving the dance styles they use, I think this show is better than all the other dances shows because these people choreograph their own dances. 'Dancing with the Stars' and 'So You Think You Can Dance' just learn the dances they're taught. ABDC crews invent their own dances and infuse them with creativity and passion. They are incredible!

A bit of Trek

2008-08-05T16:31:00.004-06:00

So I haven't posted for a long time. I don't have that much to report. But I did just join a Star Trek sim and this is my first post.

-Scott

ON:

[Logan, Utah]
[Donnelly home]

Always cooler than the rest of the state, it was a beautiful day in high altitude city of Logan, Utah. 26 C was cooler then even Brian Donnelly expected. But it was a pleasant change from the nearly 40 C temperatures that Brian's hometown of Salt Lake City was experiencing today. Brian had stopped at his house to check on things and changed into some civilian clothes before hopping a magtrain to the northern city. He walked up the steps of the suburban home and rang the door
chime. He could hear some scuffling before someone answered the door.

A dark-haired, lanky teenager opened the door. "Hey Brian." Donnelly's nephews had never taken up the habit of calling him `uncle'. Not inviting his uncle in, Shane (npc) left his uncle and
ran back to whatever he was doing.

Brian walked in with a smirk on his face. Teenagers. He closed the door behind him and took a seat on the couch in the living room. He yelled out, "So when do your parents get home?" In response his other nephew Jacob entered the room, "Oh hey Brian. They'll be home in a little bit." The blond teenager was the younger of the two sons, but it seemed he had outgrown his brother. Brian stood, "Hey there bud, give your uncle a hug." Jacob gave his uncle a short but awkward hug. Maybe they were getting too old for that. Kids grow up too fast. And looking at how much they'd already grown, Donnelly wouldn't be surprised if they topped two meters.

Donnelly relaxed, stretching his thick arms across the back of the couch. It was nice to relax in an actual house. He glanced around, typical of such homes there were pictures of the family on the walls. He spotted a pic of him in his cadet dress uniform… graduation. There were others of his parents, his siblings, and his nephews. It only lasted a moment, but it made Donnelly wonder.

A few minutes later the front door opened and Brian's younger brother Paul walked in. Paul didn't notice the visitor at first. Brian shifted in his seat and his brother caught the movement and gave a start. Brian stood and smiled, "Going blind in your old age?" Paul laughed. The two brothers gave each other a brief hug.

"Blind, no… deaf maybe from yelling at these thugs." Paul motioned to his then present sons. "So, are you in town for long?"

Brian shrugged, "No such luck this time. I've just accepted a new position aboard the Arc Angel. And you guessed it, Chief of Security."

The two walked into the kitchen. Paul chuckled and replied, "You always were good at beating up on people." He was referencing their childhood. The two brothers were known for getting in fights with each other. But contrary to the extended family's perception it was only typical of young boys. Now the younger Paul was taller and outweighed his brother. Brian had a hard body from his time in Starfleet, and his brother had the typical husband gut. Paul continued, "Well you can at least stay for dinner. Jade will be home soon and I'm told we're having lasagna."

Brian Donnelly smiled and patted his belly. "I couldn't pass that up!"

==several hours later==

Donnelly was headed to the nearest transportation hub with a full stomach. He was grateful for the time to visit his brother and his family. With the mission of the Arc Angel, Donnelly didn't know when he'd get to visit again. He still needed to contact his parents on New Deridous and let them know about the transfer. His dad would especially laugh that Colonel Furry was the man behind the transfer. The Donnelly men had both served with Furry, but the three had never
been in the same location simultaneously. He'd have to do something about that.

Soon he would be on his new home aboard the Arc Angel.

LT Commander Donnelly
Chief of Security
USS Arc Angel-A

I Love Personality Tests!

2008-05-30T10:21:00.001-06:00

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.

A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.

In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.

You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.

Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

Tagged!

2008-05-13T01:22:00.002-06:00

A: Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves
B: At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names; then goes to their blogs, leaves them a comment letting them know that they have been tagged and invites them to read your blog.

1. Every time I leave the house I have to check to make sure I have everything. So I say aloud, "Keys, wallet, phone". This started back on my mission and was very helpful. Back then I said 'pen' instead of 'phone'. And now (almost ten years later) I still have a one in three chance of saying 'pen' instead of 'phone' when I leave the house. Good habits die hard.

2. I love people watching! I'm always making mental notes of patterns I notice between people.

3. Though I am not hypoglycemic (yet) like Mighty Bob, when I get hungry I am very easily annoyed. I know I'm likely to blow up at that point, so if I can't eat yet I normally get quiet so I won't do/say anything I'll regret.

4. I love technology.

5. But not as much as you, you see.

6. But I still... Never mind. I love playing games. Almost as much, I love teaching people new games. I have a whole closet full of board and strategy games. On a related note I also collect playing cards. I just got a pack from Knott's Berry Farm.

MacBook Air Gets Tied Down

2008-04-30T10:44:00.003-06:00

So the other day, I got into a discussion about the merits of Macs and the Macbook Air. The biggest advantage is advertising. Yep, that's it. Mac's have the best advertising agency I've ever seen. They can make so-so products look fantastic. After all, look at iPods. Most people think iPods are the only mp3 player out there. Because the MacBook Air doesn't have *any* ports, you have to add them on! Anyway, I don't want to get into another discussion about this. Just watch the video.

Spring Flowers!

2008-04-29T01:14:00.003-06:00

Glad It's Over!

2008-04-25T17:42:00.005-06:00

Wow! What a month! I am happy April is nearly over. On the first of the month I was made the acting manager of The Sharper Image. I had very little time to learn all the aspects of my new position. I knew I could handle the responsibilities, but I think I underestimated all that I would need to do. I needed to hire all new associates and train them how to run the store. Luckily I had several friends who needed part time jobs. One position was filled by my ad in craigslist. They were all hard workers and fast learners.

Of course there were the angry customers, that never changes. I only had to have one couple escorted out of the mall. Only... They would get angry because we were unable to take their returns. Once the liquidators bought our store, we became theirs and followed their policies. Their policy includes no returns. So our customers only needed to contact an 800 number and Sharper Image customer service would send out a pre-paid box to take the unit back. I think that's really generous on their half. But that wasn't good enough for some customers. Luckily I had lots of experience with this before becoming the manager. I do my best to help every customer but I know when to put my foot down.

Our store was planned to be open anywhere from four to twelve weeks. Two weeks into the closure, they let us know that we would be closing in two weeks. I can't say that I was surprised. Compared to the other stores closing in our district, we weren't doing very well. Our sales were down. I think first of all, our mall being under construction but a large damper on our sales. Trolley Square just doesn't have the traffic in it our store needs. Second, no offense but Utahans are cheapskates. 40% isn't good enough for them. They want 80-90% off. The problem was, because of our short four weeks open, the sales weren't going to get that good. But tell that to customers and they just think you're holding out. Ah well!

I thought I was handling everything pretty well. I was learning the ropes quickly and responsibly. I figured that because we wouldn't be open so long I'd not train a new Senior Sales in order to close and open the store. It would be difficult but I could handle the three weeks at nine hours a day without any days off. Well, I am still alive.

Even though I was on top of the things, the stress was killing me. During the three week period I had four migraines! I normally have about one a year, sometimes less. I'm so thankful that after my second migraine, I found some medicine that stopped the beast dead in its tracks. Hallelujah! Why didn't I know about this back when I started getting them in junior high school? I could have been without pain and discomfort and annoyance for years! But I have it now, phew! I was getting afraid too. I figured the migraines were caused by stress, but I'd never had them so often. I thought it might be something I'd have to continue to deal with. Luckily (knock on wood) they seem to have dissipated.

Every day of the three weeks was identical to the last. It was long, it was hard, and it was stressful. My last day, Aaron and I both pulled 12 hour shifts. The last hours seemed to drag on. Our liquidation representative had this small thing, or that last thing he needed done. And he didn't do anything to help get it done. Grrrr!

But! All of that is behind me. I made a lot of money, I earned a lot of experience, and I am so glad it is done. If I needed to, would I do it again? Probably yes. But I would make a lot of changes... and I wouldn't do it for a long time!

Now I'm giving myself a small vacation before I head back to work. The Sharper Image is dead in Utah, but I hope to have a job at Brookstone very soon. I'm sorry I fell off the planet during that time, but I hope you all understand. But Scott is back and better for it!

Spring Does Exist!

2008-04-06T23:18:00.006-06:00

I took these today while going on a walk in my neighborhood. It's nice to know that spring might be here! (But for how long?)

In the Blink of an Eye

2008-03-26T00:03:00.004-06:00

Wow. I am amazed at how quickly my life can change. About four weeks ago, my employer, The Sharper Image filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. About two weeks ago, we found out our store would be liquidating. Then I went to Hawaii on paid vacation. When I returned, all of my co-workers and managers had put in their two week notices. I cannot afford to be jobless, so I am staying at the Sharper Image until we close. On April 1st (the irony of that day has not escaped me) I will be made the acting Manager. So right now my life is filled with the stress of finding employees that are willing to work for only six to twelve weeks. Then I need to interview them, train them, and supervise them. I need to have them ready by April first. Wow.

In the meantime, I need to learn payroll, hiring procedures, and everything else a manager does. I'm swamped, I'm stressed, and I'm worried. On top of all this, the job is just as temporary for me. I need to find a new job myself. This is sad because I *love* this job. I have become a better person from it. I really saw myself growing and progressing in this company. But now that has all changed--and so quickly.

The bright side? I may make some good money. I will have management skills. I will have resume builders. I will be more responsible. I will be strong. Will it be worth the trade-off? I'll find out.

A Short Memorial

2008-02-12T23:42:00.002-07:00

Today was the one year anniversary of the shooting at Trolley Square. I was able to leave some flowers at the site. As I walked through the mall I saw other small groups of people mourning the loss of their family members and friends. I pray for those who experienced such a difficult loss. I hope the Holy Ghost comforts them and brings them closer to their Heavenly Father. It's important to remember that though they were taken before their time, they live on.

--Scott

My Celebrity Look-Alike

2008-01-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

Piracy, Lies, and the Shooting

2008-01-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

I just looked at my blogging stats for 2007. I wrote fewer blogs last year than any other year. That's sad. Back in 2005 I made a goal to become a regular blogger and it really made a difference. I'm hesitant to make that same goal for this year. We'll see how it plays out.

So here's the actual topic of my first blog of 2008: Piracy. It seems the MPAA likes to create statistics in order to further their cause. In 2005 they stated that 44% of lost sales came from college-aged downloaders. Now they're backtracking and saying the numbers are closer to 15%. Campus IT groups are saying that it's closer to 3%. Hmph. It makes you think. Now whenever the MPAA proclaims a statistic or trend, we'll need someone to double check it. It seems they will lie in order to further their agenda. Ridiculous.

Oh, one other thing. So yesterday I checked my voice mail. The Salt Lake Tribune had called and left a message. They wanted to interview me on how things had changed since the Trolley Square Shooting. The one year anniversary is nearly here. That really upsets me. I cannot pretend to be a spokesman for the event. I didn't lose any loved ones or co-workers. It would be completely inappropriate for me to speak to an audience on that topic. I'll remind you, this is the newspaper that wanted to interview me while the shooting was happening! Tasteless!

Medical Myths Even Doctors Believe

2007-12-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

I've always been fascinated by this kind of thing. We have a lot of ideas that we pass off as fact with nothing to back it up. Some of these I already knew. They are myths, but I think that some of them are still good ideas. Check out the full article here.

Myth: We use only 10 percent of our brains.
It turns out there is no part of the brain we don't use. There are no inactive locations. They myth comes from quacks from the early 1900s trying to push their self-improvement schemes.

Myth: You should drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
I grew up with this myth. My mom is a strong follower of 8 glasses a day. You know, I think that it isn't a bad idea. Our bodies are made of mostly water. This much water can't hurt our operations.

Myth: Fingernails and hair grow after death.
I remember learning this myth back when I was seven years old and walking through a graveyard in Germany. My dad told me about it. I had this awful idea of corpses with really long nails and hair. Gross.

Myth: Shaved hair grows back faster, coarser and darker.
I only found out this was a myth several years ago. I wish it were true! I have very little facial hair. If this myth were true, it would be possible for me to grow a beard if I kept at it. Sadly, there's no truth in it.

Myth: Reading in dim light ruins your eyesight.
I'll quote the article directly: "The researchers found no evidence that reading in dim light causes permanent eye damage. It can cause eye strain and temporarily decreased acuity, which subsides after rest."

Myth: Eating turkey makes you drowsy.
This was a new one for me. Yes, yes, we've all heard that tryptophan makes you sleepy. That is true. But turkey doesn't have any more tryptophan in it than turkey or beef. The drowsiness is caused by the large amount of food you're eating, not a special chemical.

Myth: Mobile phones are dangerous in hospitals.
I've never heard of this myth before. I can see where it would come from however. We aren't allowed to use cell phones in airplanes. (The jury on that is still out. Some studies say it can interfere with flight controls, some say that it can't.) So it makes sense that we'd believe it could hurt sensitive instruments in hospitals. Luckily that isn't true.

Trolley Square Bomb Threat

2007-12-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

Posted: 9:51 PM- The Salt Lake Police Department responded to a report of a bomb threat at Trolley Square Mall on Thursday evening that resulted in the evacuation of shoppers.
The bomb threat was called in about 7:45 p.m. to Salt Lake City Police dispatch, said police Lt. Lamar Ewell. The call came in on a cell phone and officers were trying to track down the caller last night. Mall management decided to evacuate shoppers after police informed them of the threat. Officers and mall security then searched the mall and its perimeter. Nothing suspicious was found, Ewell said. The search ended around 9:30 p.m.

Yes, I was there. But we got the store shut down quickly and we are all safe.

MarioKart Wii

2007-12-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

Christmas!

2007-12-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Eleven more days if you can believe it. Eleven more days till Christmas. And I'm caught in the middle. I'm a Christmas-boy as my mother says. I've always loved the magic that comes with this season. When I was young I did whatever I could to preserve and increase that special feeling. For many years as a pre-teen I made sure that I sang a Christmas song every month all year long. I remembered and tried to preserve every Christmas tradition my family held. We have a lot of traditions! Christmas is a special time of year. I think mankind is its closest to Christ-like. Life seems to speed up, but the desire to help others slows it down just a bit.

Now I'm an adult and I still seek to preserve the magic. However, I also work in retail. At the Sharper Image we have started longer hours. We are open 10am-10pm. I'm normally the one who closes. Customers are relentless during this season. They all want something and if they don't get it, "Christmas is ruined!" My days seem long and the pressure much greater. I love my job. Retail has been the best job I've had yet. There is an excitement in going to work during these next two weeks. You just have to have the stamina to make it all the way through. And that's the part that makes me wish the season would hurry up so that I can slow down.

So I'm caught in the middle.

Customers

2007-11-29T10:00:00.001-07:00

So I read an article yesterday about a man who tried to open a bank account with a million dollar bill. (The bill -to the left- is counterfeit.) When the teller wouldn't open the account, the man threw a fit. They ended up calling the police. The man was charged with two accounts of forgery (he had tried to use a fake check elsewhere.) and disorderly conduct. I think that if there were a $1,000,000 bill, that's probably what it would look like. Bravo to whoever drew it. He is a good artist.

Now onto my own customer story. And I will try to keep this one very very short, as I could rant on it for quite a long time. A fiery red-headed woman in her late 40s came in late last week. She had a counter-top mirror that's stand had broken. So she was going to return it and get a brand new one. Problem: We don't carry that mirror nor have we ever. I was helping her and I told her so. She got in my face and said, "Are you calling me a liar!?" I replied, "No, I just think that you are mistaken." When someone asks if you're calling them a liar, what they're really saying is, "You are a liar." She started getting out of hand. I told her that if she was going to make this difficult, then I wouldn't be able to help her. To make this ugly story shorter, my Assistant Manager ended up helping her. And this is the part that bothers me: She gave her credit towards a new mirror. UGH!

I hate this because it teaches idiots like this woman, that if she's loud enough, she'll get what she wants. I will not condone that kind of behavior. Second, I *always* try to back up my sales associates when they are helping a customer. If one of them tells a customer something, I back them up instead of correcting them in front of the consumer. It builds confidence in their decision making.

Now this woman should not have gotten any credit for two reasons. First, we don't carry that mirror. Second, even if we ever did, she didn't buy a replacement guarantee, which means that she only had 60 days to return it. And I would have remembered that purchase if it were within 60 days. Grrrr.

Big Red Hammer

Future Note

Another Step Forward

No Candy!

A Different Anniversary and Thankfulness

School... Again.

The Future

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

New Levels of Nerd

Our Easter Vacation

Glad to be Gay

Frustration!

Change and Promises

Retailers Drawing Line on Returns

Family is Pretty Sweet

A Straight Ally's Thoughts

*Le Sigh*

Things to Know About Retail

Anniversary!

Worst Day Ever

Arches National Park

Sometimes Immediately

Goings-on and the zoo

Easter and Warm Weather!

Stand Your Ground

Reminiscing

Wishes

*Grin* It's done!

She's Baaaaaack!

Hometeachers?

Post-Christmas Wrap Up

Family Christmas

Status Quo

Giving Thanks

My word cloud!

Choices!

Where are you in your journey?

Etc.

In the Paper Again

A Lesson Learned From Being LDS

Zion Nat'l Park

Zion Nat'l Park

Education

Sigh

Conversation

Weather!

Changes

Our First Protest.

Word of the Day: Coincidental

The Escape

Spring Flowers

Romaniaphile

Corkboard

Scott's Blog

Star Trek!

Flattered and Hopeful

Ketchup

Trolley Square Anniversary

Space Opera!

Circuit City Lowdown

Conundrum

Merry Christmas!

Logical

Happy Human Rights Day

My Most Recent Word Cloud

Duplicity

Frivolous I Know

Black (as night) Friday

The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

Oh the weather

Creativity

A New Chapter for America and Me

Election Ramblings

New Music Video

Happy Halloween!

A New Beginning

Halloween Playlist

Halloween in my neighborhood

Am I Excited?

Things Are Improving

Le Sigh

Grin It's done!